Literature

PUPPETISM ***

2010-03-31T14:24:00.000-07:00

31st March, 2010

It’s funny to look at life which gives us surprises at unusual times. It is unpredictable. Before we have coped up with one issue properly, there is another one ready for us to handle. How amazing to be at this puppetism! Can anyone resist it? No one. Who are we? The mere puppets. Life does not go through planned ways. Rather, it is other way around.

When we get what we had been waiting for, how do we react? Obviously, positively and even happily perhaps. But…but not being able to value it with our responses is something that needs to be addressed. Had it happened in the past, life would have taken another shape. Because of the altered time and space, our thoughts change. What was true before years seems no longer right now.

There are times when we come across similar situations. People act the way we once acted in the past and so the problem needs to be dealt the way we were once dealt with in our situations. For example, putting oneself in the position of ‘somebody’ and somebody else in the then ‘our’ position.

To have what we want is the best moment we can have, would want to cherish it but are unable. As I said earlier, time and space influence our destiny. Unpredictable life is what we are certain about as the way somebody said that the only thing that is permanent is change. How true! The decision that once seemed so obvious and proper is so improper now simply because of this time. It is not that we are perplexed. There is nothing to be confused about. We had been such for years. We no longer are.

The wisdom is we are puppets of the superpower and we must follow this puppetism. There is no single truth that exists. What a life! In fact, worth laughing. What else can we do? There sits the invisible shaper of our predicament whom we cannot even vent our anger upon since nothing happens apart from the reflection back on us. We observe His tricks and move along.

Oh powerful one! I serve you.

*** (a term coined for ‘unavoidable destiny to becoming a puppet’)

ABC

2010-03-31T13:43:00.000-07:00

31st March, 2010

You were A
I was B
She was C

I am A
She is B
Who is C?

C is a mystery
The way you are now

She will be A
Mystery will be B
What about me?
Will I be mystery too?

EAST VS. WEST

2010-03-31T13:11:00.002-07:00

22nd March 2010

It has been long since I last wrote. In fact, writing has lessened after I left the native land. So, taking opportunity of the vacations, I am hurriedly trying to fill the blog pages. The idea for this topic stroke while travelling to Stonehenge and Salisbury. Actually, was inspired by one Welsh friend as he said the idea for group assignment came to him on his return back home in a train. So, carried a diary and thought why not use the useless five hours of a bus? However, it needs to be mentioned that two hours was sleeping on the way back Cardiff, one hour eating and talking (listening rather), one hour watching the landscape, half an hour for remaining blank, looking here and there and other people, driver’s map guide and so on. So, remaining half an hour was what I utilised to scribble down a few points that stroke my head.

The first scene to hit the head is the difference between terrace farming and bush farming (do not know what it is called and no time for dictionary research). The fields are separated by the even-cut bushes, the way they are by the levelled soil in Nepal (aali or dill). The other difference is between cars and bikes. Compared to bikes that run in Kathmandu streets, here are the swift cars and bikes are negligible in number. The other point is grasslands and wastelands. The big green lands are for grazing cattle where mostly sheep are seen despite the heavy rainfall. In contrast, there are many barren unused lands in my native land. These are a few things noticed right away.

Now, I would like to list other important aspects here. People are polite and aware if they might be causing troubles for others in any way. Saying “thank you” and “sorry” and letting go others first are what we should be learning from them. They are neat and tidy although rough. Eating and drinking on the way to work and travel is common as there is a rush. However, the streets and the atmosphere are fresh and clean. Big bins are everywhere and they are emptied before it is late. Life is a rush. They run, we walk. So, it is faster here. Pace is hard to be met. ‘Think fast, act fast’. We are left behind if we lack them.

Our opinions are important no matter what. Instead of seeking perfect ideas leading nowhere along with teasing and backbiting, motivation and improvement are encouraged for excellence. This, in fact, leads effortlessly to perfection. The nature of accomplishing tasks is “working under pressure” for which deadlines are set for each action. It is such that more is gained in a short time in contrast to relaxed working patterns in us resulting less achievement in a long duration. The most important thing to learn is discipline and strictness. Our lenient working style again leads us nowhere. There is discipline in everything, in whatever is said or done.

So, what I would like to say is west is different than east. We know that. There are positive and negative aspects in both the cultures. It is wise to pick out the good factors from each of them and follow them instead of grumbling about the negative aspects and feeling helpless, to make our place better to live in. So, oh, ‘We’! Let’s learn so much from the ‘Others’. It’s time.

RED DRAGON

2010-01-24T08:23:00.000-08:00

Was it ever imagined that being born in the country of Mt. Everest, which was named after a Welshman George Everest, it will be known only after reaching his birthplace? It happened, on the way while skimming through a tiny pamphlet returning from Gregynog after submission of the dissertation proposal. The title? HIV/AIDS in Indian newspapers, focussing on HIV-infected women. Why? Having gained some ideas of medical science and as an audio drama actor of HIV/AIDS, the subject of AIDS press coverage narrowed down to the title of dissertation. Furthermore, why in India and why HIV-infected woman? Not finding sufficient sources/archives from home in the abroad, depended on the neighbour country (it has the 2nd largest HIV population in world and has the largest in Asia- became aware of the fact only after finalizing the topic) and since acted as an HIV-infected woman too which seemed one of the good dramas acted in so far.

Let’s move slightly beyond. Since the Masters days in home country, media seemed a terror, an image of a dragon with wide –opened mouth about to swallow in an instant. However, it was least expected the national flag and the university building itself would have the same dragon, the red one at the top, distinguishable from distant. This is a place where hardly any home citizens are found (have not met any). Being awarded the bursary although at the latest hour and visa process in mid- 2009 being simple enough, and receiving the blessings from one of the most respected persons of the country for the first time, having celebrated the most awaited festival of the year, now experiencing the heavy snow which occurred after 30 years, in a quiet (in fact, too peaceful) place.

Not getting any distinct image of the way headed to and paving a way moving forward; however, some aspects are determined. Someone said, what happens happens for the best. So, as the process was begun, it would end respectively. Social health sectors or particularly HIV/AIDS needs to be looked after due to huge HIV population and the numbers need to be diminished. One of the best approaches is informing the public through audio where rural areas cover most of the parts and where it is more required and radio plays seem to bring the expected result.

Finally, having been born 30 years ago on the 1st of December and the first known cases of AIDS being reported in 1979 are the points to be noted. The area shall be explored and effort provided for through the mass media as was planned and it is expected that when everyone shall contribute, social upliftment is undoubted.

24 January, 2009

JOURNEY

2009-08-24T07:36:00.000-07:00

Starting our trip to Sindhupalchowk on April 11th, we headed to Koteshwor at 7:30 am and reached Dhadkhola at 10:30 am on Rs. 85/head. Took lunch (chiura, chana, chicken)in the DK bazaar and crossed the jholunge pul at around 11:15 am. Below was Indraabati flowing. Walked in the dreadful sun for about 15 minutes. Rested in tree shadows, watched the children swimming and took snaps. Forgot a cap and returned back again. Rested in a big tree near a small fountain and ate grapes. Then headed a straight hill ahead in midday sun. Rested 4-5 times during the uphill journey and took nearly 3-1/2 hours to reach the destination.

On reaching the top, we forgot all the difficulties. The wind was pleasant and we ate pure curd, banana, and chiura (too tasty) in Badegaon. Rested a bit and went to Thanti, saw the school and took snaps. Returned back and ate masyaura and rice. We then slept. Though electricity was available, we could not see due to load shedding. Water was easily available in every place in this village. Got up early morning and felt the stomach not functioning well. Had 3/4 bowel movements. Roamed down and took snaps. Returned back, ate rice with all pure stuffs and headed shortcut towards the main road.

Indeed a great fun to know we reached to the bank in about half an hour just because we had to hurriedly follow a leader (an old man). Stayed in the yesterday’s water fountain and crossed Indraawati. Took snaps there too and the stones were slippery and the flow of the river strong. Walked on the hot sand and reached the main road. We planned to reach Melamchi and watch the water but due to Nepal bandh, the plan failed. Finished a wai wai and walked towards Kunta besi. Found a trax and a crowded bus following it. We took the trax, payed Rs.15/head and reached Kunta. Ate chicken and chiura and headed other relative’s home. Found red soil and ainselu and reached there. Found gobar gas and drank black tea. Again headed inner areas and oldest house and returned back. Took touch-me-not videos and had fun. Ate evening meal and watched DVD for a few minutes and slept with mosquitoes all over.

The next morning, got up and had a cup of milk and walked straight towards Dhaitar, Mahadevsthan. From there, went roaming for about an hour and saw fat in milk checked, took a touch-me-not plant, and took snaps in big stones. Then reached Mahadevsthan and played cards and had rice with ghee. Felt heavy and slept for a few moments in a hot day. Got up and went to other relative’s house and had tea and biscuit. Then headed at around 4 pm to Chainpur uphill through the jungle. Reached the top in about 5:30 pm. Nagarkot was just in front of this hill. Reached the top and had popcorn and soyabeans. Again roamed downwards and reached the place at night and had a meal. Then went up and slept in a mosquito net.

Next morning, we had lots to do. So, got up at 5 am and had tea. Headed downwards and within 45 minutes, we reached Mahadevsthan. Stayed there for a few minutes and went Kunta. Stayed there too and watched the well and the most awaited buffalo worth Rs. 43,000 giving 7 liters of milk. Then caught a bus to Lamindada and got heated in a crowded bus. From Lamindada, headed Palanchowk in a trax (Rs. 30/head). Took snaps outside and ate vegetable chowmein and achar and headed Satdobato which never seem to come. Finally, went our home and took snaps. Returned and went Tiharthok, met mom and stayed in Pipalbot as the bus was already missed. So, thought of walking but fortunately were able to catch a trax just nearby and went Palanchok. Again, had a lunch there and caught a trax to Banepa (Rs. 60/head). From Banepa, stayed in a big bus and reached Koteshwor safely. From Koteshwor, we walked to office and finally arrived in the New Year Evening.

15th April, 2009

NEW ONES

2009-08-07T06:19:00.001-07:00

2066/01/11
April 24th
Disillusionment

What a life to cherish
What a moment to live by
What a friend to shed tears
What a company to be with
What a snobbery to be seen
What a world to laugh at
What an improper creature a man
What a dilemma to survive through them
What an illusion created over all
What a bondage to pass through

Oh me! oh miserable me !
Hypocrisy rules
Fate governs
Predicament inescapable
Silence everywhere

April 24
Paranoia

Finding myself in this state now, it is pretty hard to distinguish what might be right and what not, who are correct and who not. I never imagined I might be in this position some day. But time is a mystery. No one knows what happens when. It gives an opportunity for everyone to get experienced its various elements. No haste, just a patience, and it will be granted. Ah, mercy.

A state when we find all things out of track, all people out of way, nobody could be trusted upon, we get blank- a feeling of hopelessness and worthlessness, depression, frustration, and what not. An easy impetus for a suicidal attempt but something still is preventing me from such stuffs, maybe the knowledge gained so far, maybe the experiences, maybe the aftermaths. Know not.

It seems good though as it is going to take a firm way now onwards, just a hope anyway. At least something will end and something open. It seems an outlet for expression. Enough is enough. Expression is better than explosion, whatever, however. Let it alone be paranoid feelings. Enough of suppression and repression. A way out is essential, a necessity and natural. Nature is powerful, hardly avoidable. It takes its track out and becomes natural and everything is in equilibrium.

A Meeting Point

2009-07-27T06:52:00.000-07:00

Maybe it is the most visited place in a day. The respected, holy shrine which acts as an area of confession for the guilty, a place for conditional offer to the one within it (wow, this seems a nice term), a way to pass time through just visiting it and showing oneself a devotee, joining a choir just in case they could not find any reliable way to expose themselves leaving it as the least important option to move forward through PR. Many people just enter it as it comes across. Their way helps in obtaining mental peace, a psychological and cultural impact.

There will be marriage parties going on in its surroundings, one behind the center and the next one on its right side. Since the catering services are high in demand and is easier for busy people, they are busy managing red and blue chairs and materials required for the evening since parties in the evening are growing in demand. The one on the back has a big hall and needs no tents outside. But, the next needs a planning of a tent around. Maybe the space inside is quite small or they aren’t allowed to use that room.

Next, a new bride is entering there. Robed in a gold shining, heavy embroidered red sari, blouse and a shawl (red cotton shoes, of course), accompanied by a couple of ladies in her sides, she enters, bows and takes blessings.

After this, a child on his rice-feeding ceremony is carried over inside. Dressed in red shiny polyster-mixed clothes (most probably without shoes) with eyes black by kajal allover, he is bowed before God and is put a red tika on his forehead for blessings.

Also, there is a funeral procession about to go on its left hand side. There is a huge bus stopped from where are about a dozen people coming out one by one. All dressed casually but with a shawl, some are already arranging the woods and straw. Women are sobbing and crying calling out their dear loved one. The corpse is yet to be seen. But it is sure to be seen later.

Here, lies a picture of a life cycle of a man which completes in a day. The very shrine is surrounded by various life rituals. No sides are vacant, too busy a place. We all lie here. That is our destiny. Religion is what binds us and helps maintain a bond of brotherhood.

WHAT A DILEMMA!!!

2009-03-22T04:59:00.000-07:00

Everyday I sleep with a hope of making my tomorrow better. But what? Suddenly I get up in the morning and start again the age-old routine. For an hour or so, I carry on with the monologue. Tired of all these now. How long am I going to continue this—the same trend, the same style, the morning self-analyzation making my head blow up for rest of the day?

Also, the environment does not permit me to move ahead. Today, when I was opening the Linguistics, the tough book, thinking to go over it by the time it is already too late, there was a sweet melody of the carpenter’s saw going on outside. Why had he to start his work so early in the morning, when I had a holiday and had a desire to read? It is already hard for me to concentrate, and besides…

There are so many things going on inside the head at a time; a gift to the modern men, the fragmented thoughts and the distresses. It seems as if they are going to explode soon. Too difficult time for them at the present. I wonder what we are created for. How to adjust in such a corrupt world? A modern man is full of frustrations. A miserable man. I think the very word ‘miserable’ suits before every ‘man.’ Since everything is dynamic, the old terms are also to be neo-made—a demand of time.

Look at his misery. After he is born, is educated to become a good individual. Some are lucky enough to be granted education while some not. However, the goal remains the same for all, to become good. He has various obstacles which he faces and overcomes. Then the next one emerges. The process repeats. But, how long? For how long is the nature and fate going to examine him? Until the energy extinguishes? Until he is sick and tired or what? Life is a bouquet of unanswered questions. I think so, and that is the truth whether you agree or not.

I want to write. I am doing now. I want to sing. I took a leave suddenly in my singing classes. I want to work. Today is a holiday. I want to study well. Thanks God! It is a holiday again. Just now, I killed a mosquito. It died by the time I patted and saw it fall down on the bedsheet. I am the same mosquito, weak and completely helpless. What a life to live! I do not want this life. However, it is not in my power to get or not get what I like. A complete puppet! How miserable! And that is not what I desire for, a miserable one. I have hundreds of wishes. I am a human being. So that is the innate quality a man has. How can he be born free of desires? He would be God then. I am just wondering why we be created desirous and still never be provided for. Man would be well satisfied if any of his desires was fulfilled. Not even that! Oh, modern men, I pity you.

It is really difficult to live with corrupt people, especially when the situation aggravates and nothing is in our hand. I wonder why God creates them and for what reason. Just take a brief look at a man. He works so hard, is busy from the time he gets up until the night. Tired with the entire hectic schedule, wants to rest a bit. Returns home and finds everything out of order.

Really, we are the mere puppets in the grip of whosoever is in super power. Okay, we compromised we cannot get all the desires fulfilled. It is impossible, okay. We are fool too according to Bonaparte. Agreed! But again! The efforts the man puts forth are of no use at all. With great struggle, with a hope of a better tomorrow, he reaches to a certain height, falls down a little (as the road is somewhat slippery), again gains strength enough to climb up, reaches to a greater height then. But he is not a single man to reach there. When started, there were many with him. They were weak and had no hope. So, he left them all and reached to the altitude. They, in fact, could not reach the least height. He has many competitors wanting to move towards the apex, the same goal. But what a dilemma! Instead of making themselves strong enough to reach their destination, they aim at throwing their colleagues to the base. They grab his neck and throw him to the muddy pond below the base from where getting out solely depends upon his power and ability. He might even become paralyzed or disabled as a result of the shock. Anyway, if he was mentally prepared for it before starting to climb and had a solution for something like this, it would not be much of a problem. If not, then there is.

Why does it always rain on the feeble ones? I have heard God sees the truth but waits, but for how long? Until the death? The Almighty might know. I do not. We people live in such hope that it would turn out okay soon, and the life ends up with that hope ever unfulfilled. Is he the only person in this world? Why should he work so hard when the rest are happy sleeping and least bothered about anything? All the Neros there and he, the Hercules. Is the responsibility just for him? What for should he suffer if no one has feeling of responsibility? If no one supports him, rather helps him, or at least not disturbs him or not become a hindrance, what value has life for him?

Often people say life is beautiful if we know the tips to live well. But, when there is no one to accompany him, share him, support him, comfort him, caress him, what is the meaning? I say what?

Most of us become blind when reaching our goal. This article is just for those who have desire of becoming something or doing something meaningful to the world so that even after death they are alive in the memories of mankind.

January 2006

नेपाली अनुवाद "अभाव के हो ?"

2009-03-15T22:52:00.000-07:00

अभाव के हो तिमी मलाई सोध्छौ ? सुन । म तिम्रो नजिकै छु , डुङडुङती गन्हाउने दाँत र एउटा गतिलो भित्री लुगा विना ।

फोहरी र गन्धपुरी । म भन्छु ,सुन । कुनै सहानुभूति विना सुन । म तिम्रो सहानुभूति प्रयोग गर्न सक्दिन । बुझेर सुन । आफूलाई मेरो फोहर, च्यातिएको नमिल्दो जुत्तामा राख, अनि सुन ।

गरिवी भनेको प्रत्येक बिहान फोहोर र रोगीको टाटैटाटाको ओछ्यानबाट उठ्नु हो । तन्नाहरुले धेरै वर्ष अघिदेखि नै थाङ्नाको काम गर्दै आएका छन् । गरिवी कहिल्यै नछुट्ने गन्धसँग बाँच्नु हो । पिसाब, अमिलो दूध र बासी सडेको खानेकुरा जुन कहिलेकाहीं डढेको प्याजसँगै मिसिएर आउँछ, त्यही गन्ध हो यो । प्याजहरु केही सस्ता हुन्छन् । तिमीले यो गन्ध सुँघेको भए त्यो कसरी आयो तिमीलाई थाहा थिएन होला । यो सार्वजनिक शौचालयको गन्ध हो । रातको लामो अँध्यारो बाटोमा हिंड्न नसक्ने साना केटाकेटीहरुको गन्ध हो यो । वर्षौं देखि दुर्घटनामा परेका ओछ्यानहरुको गन्ध हो यो । स्टोभ बिग्रिएकोले फाटेको दूधको गन्ध हो यो । फेरि यसलाई बनाउन पैसा चाहिन्छ । यो कुहिएको फोहोरको गन्ध हो, मैले यसलाई गाड्न सक्थें तर स्यावेल खोइ ? स्यावेल किन्न पैसा चाहिन्छ ।

दरिद्रता भनेको थकित हुनु हो । म सधैं नै थकित भएको छु । अस्पतालमा मेरो अन्तिम बच्चा हुँदा उनीहरुले भनेका थिए मलाई रगतको कमी भयो रे, पोषिलो खाना र राम्रो स्याहारसुसारको कमीले गर्दा । अनि मेरो अपरेशन गर्नुपर्छ रे, म चुपचाप सुनिरहें । गरिवहरु सध्रैं चुपचाप रहन्छन् । उनीहरु सधैं सुन्छन् । भिटामिन चक्की, खाना वा औषधिको लागि पैसा छैन –अहँ कहिल्यै भन्दैनन् । अपरेशनको सोच नै भयानक हुन्छ र यति धेरै भयानक हुन्छ कि यसको आँट गर्नु मात्र पनि हाँस्यास्पद हुन्थ्यो । मेरा लालावालाको रेखदेख कसले गर्छ ? अपरेशनबाट पूर्णतया निको हुन धेरै समय लाग्छ । मेरा ३ छोराछोरी छन् । अस्तिनै मैले जागिर खाँदा जब उनीहरुलाई मूमासँग छोडेको थिएँ, घर फर्कंदा कान्छीको मुखभरि झंगा भन्किएको र उसको थाङ्ना म गएदेखि नफेरिएको भेटें । जब सुकेको थाङना निकालें, स–साना छालाका टुक्राहरु पनि सँगै आए। माइलोचाहिं फुटेको गिलासको तीखो टुक्रोसँग खेलिरहेको थियो । अनि मेरो जेठोचाहिं पोखरीको छेउमा एक्लै खेल्दैथियो । महिनामा १५०० रुपियाँ कमाउँथें, अनि तीनैजनालाई राम्रो स्कूलमा राख्न १००० रुपियाँ लाग्छ । मैले जागीर छोडें ।

गरिवी मैलो हो । तिमी आफ्नो सफा घरबाट सफा लुगामा निस्केर भन्छौ, 'जोसुकै पनि सफा हुन सक्छ ।' विना पैसाको घर चलनको बारेमा म तिमीलाई बताउँछु । खानाको लागि म केटाकेटीलाई तरकारी अचार विनाको ढिंडो वा रोटी दिन्छु । यसो गर्दा धेरै भाँडा लाग्दैन । जति लाग्छ, त्यसलाई चीसो पानीमा साबुन विना नै धुन्छु । सस्तोभन्दा सस्तो साबुन पनि बच्चाको थाङना धुन जोगाउनुपर्छ । मेरा हातहरु हेर त – कति फुटेका र सुन्निएका छन् ! एकचोटि मैले २ महिनासम्म बचत गरें – मेरा हात र बच्चाको पासेको घाउमा लगाउन भ्यासलिनको बट्टा किन्न भनेर । चाहिनेजति जम्मा भएपछि किन्न जाँदा त्यसको भाउ ५० रुपियाँले बढिसकेछ । कान्छी र मैले सास्ती खेपिरह्यौं । मेरा फुटेका खस्रा हातहरु चीसो पानी र कडा साबुनमा डुबाउन सक्छु कि सक्दिन भनेर मैले दिनहुँ सोच्नुपर्छ । तर तिमी भन्छौ चीसो पानी नै किन ? इन्धनको पैसा लाग्छ । तिमीले दाउरा बाल्यौ भने पैसा चाहिन्छ । बिजुली बाल्यौ भने पैसा लाग्छ । तातो पानी विलास हो । मसँग विलास छैन । मलाई थाहा मेरो वास्तविक उमेर भनें भने तिमी तीनछक पर्छौ । म एकदमै बूढी देखिन्छु । लुगा धुने ठाउँमा दिनहुँ मेरो ढाड यति धेरै बांगिन्छ कि मैले कहिले अरु काम गरें सम्भि्कनै सक्दिन । प्रत्येक रात म मेरो स्कूले बच्चाको लुगाको हरेक दाग धुन्छु र आशा गर्छु उसका लुगाहरु बिहानसम्ममा सुक्नेछन् ।

अभाव भनेको चीसो ठण्डी रातमा आगो हेर्दै जागराम बस्नु हो – यो जानेर कि अखबारले छोपिएका भित्तामा एक झल्को पर्नु भनेको सुतिरहेका केटाकेटी धुवाँको मुस्लोमा जल्नु हो । गर्मी महिनामा अभाव भनेको बच्चा रुँदा झिंगाहरुले आँसु चाटिरहेको हेर्नु हो । झ्याल–ढोकाका जालीहरु च्यातिएका छन् र तिमी यति कम भाँडा तिर्छौ तिमीलाई थाहा छ त्यो कहिले बन्दैन । साङ्लाहरु तिम्रो खानेकुरामा, नाकमा, आँखाभित्र र सुत्दा तिमीमाथि घसि्रनु दरिद्री हो । गरिवी भनेको पानी कहिल्यै पर्दैन भनेर आशा गर्नु हो किनभने पानी पर्‍योभने थाङ्नाहरु सु्क्दैनन् र छिट्टै तिमी कागजहरु प्रयोग गर्न थाल्छौ । गरिवी भनेको तिम्रा बच्चाहरुलाई सधैं सिंगाने देख्नु हो । रुमालहरु किन्नुपर्छ र थोत्रा लुगाहरु तिमीलाई अरु नै कामको लागि चाहिन्छ। झनै धेरै महंगा त एन्टिवायोटिक औषधि हुन्छन् । अभाव भनेको विना खाना पकाउनु र विना साबुन सफा गर्नु हो ।

गरिबी सहयोग माग्नु हो । तिमीले त्यो सहयोग नपाउन्जेल तिम्रा केटाकेटीले दु:ख पाउँछन् भन्ने थाहा पाएर तिमीले कहिल्यै मद्दत माग्नुपरेको छ ? यदि तिमीलाई ऋण माग्नु नै एउटा मात्रै सहयोग माग्ने बाटो हो जस्तो लाग्छ भने आफन्तबाट ऋण लिएको सम्झ । त्यो बेला कस्तो अनुभव हुन्छ म तिमीलाई भन्छु । तिमीले जानुपर्ने अफिस कहाँ छ तिमी पत्ता लगाउँछौ । अनि त्यो ठाउँमा ४–५ चोटि फनफनी चक्कर मार्छौ । आफ्ना केटाकेटीलाई सम्झेर तिमी भित्र छिर्छौ । सबैजना अति व्यस्त छन् । अन्त्यमा, कोही बाहिर आउँछ र तिमी आफूलाई मद्दत चाहिएको कुरा बताउँछौ ।

त्यो कहिलेपनि तिमीले भेट्नुपर्ने व्यक्ति हुँदैन । तिमी अर्को मान्छेलाई गएर भेट्छौ, अनि आफ्नो दरिद्रताको भएभरको लाज सामुन्ने छताछुल्ल पारेर पोखाइसकेपछि बल्ल यो त ठीक अफिस नै रहेनछ भनेर थाहा पाउँछौ । तिमीले यो सम्पूर्ण प्रक्रिया फेरि दोहोर्‍याउनुपर्छ र अर्को ठाउँमा फेरि शुरु गर्न यो सजिलो हुँदैन ।

तिमीले मद्दत मागेका थियौ, आखिर यसको मूल्य त हुन्छ नै । तिमीलाइ फेरि पर्खाइन्छ । कारण किन पनिबताइन्छ तर लाजको रातो र उडिरहेको पीडाको कालो बादलले गर्दा तिमीले खासै सुन्दैनौ ।

अभाव सम्झना हो । राम्रा भनाउँदा केटाकेटीहरु मेरो लुगा र दुर्गन्धको बारेमा क्रुद्ध भएको हुँदा निम्न माध्यमिक तहमा स्कूल छोड्नुपर्दाको सम्झना हो । कार्यालय सहायक आयो । मेरी आमाले उसलाई म गर्भवती भएको बताइन् । वास्तवमा म थिइनँ तर उनले त्यसो गर्दा मैले कुनै जागिर पाइहाल्छु कि भन्ठानिन् । म जागिर खाँदै-छोड्दै गर्दै थिएँ तर केही सिक्न सक्ने गरी लामो समयसम्म भने कहिल्यै खाइनँ । म सबैभन्दा बढी म विवाहित भएको क्षण सम्झन्छु । त्यसबेला म भर्खरकी थिएँ । अझै पनि छु । कुनै वेला हामीसँग तिमीसँग भएका सबैकुरा थिए । तातो पानी र सबैथोक भएको एउटा सानो घर अर्को शहरमा थियो । त्यसपछि मेरो श्रीमान्को जागिर गयो । केही समयको लागि बेरोजगारी बीमा र मैले पाउनसक्ने खालका जागिर थिए । हाम्रा सबै सामानहरु छिट्टै नै फेरि हामीसँगै भए र हामी यहाँ फर्क्यौं । त्यतिबेला म गर्भवती थिएँ । हामी शुरुमा आउँदा यो घर यति नराम्रो थिएन । प्रत्येक हप्ता यो झन्झन् नराम्रो हुँदै जान्छ । कहिल्यै केही मर्मत हुँदैन । अबचाहिं हामीसँग पैसा थिएन । मेरा श्रीमानका लागि केही निम्नस्तरका काम थिए तर अहिले जस्तै त्यसबेला पनि खानामै सकिन्थ्यो । मलाई थाहा छैन हामी कसरी २–३ वर्षसम्म ३ जना बच्चाहरु साथमा लिएर बाँच्न सक्यौं तर सक्यौं । म तिमीलाई एउटा कुरा भन्छु, मेरो अन्तिम बच्चा जन्मिएपछि मैले सम्बन्ध तोडिदिएँ । सम्बन्ध राम्रो थियो तर के सधैं तिमीले बच्चाहरुलाई यो फोहोरमा हुर्काइरहन सक्छौ ? कुनै पनि परिवार नियोजनको साधनलाई कति पर्छ कहिल्यै तिमीले सोचेका छौ ? मेरो श्रीमानले छोडेर जाने दिन ऊ जाँदैछ भन्ने मलाई थाहा थियो तर हामीबीच कुनै विदाइ भएन । मलाई आशा छ ऊ यो भद्रगोलबाट कतै माथि उक्लिन सक्षम भयो होला । हामीले उसलाई तल खसाल्छौं भन्ने आशा उसले कहिल्यै गर्न सक्दैन ।

त्यही बेला हो मैले मद्दत मागेको । जब मैले पाएँ, त्यो कति थियो थाहा छ तिमीलाई ? हामी चारजनाको लागि महिनाको ३५०० रुपियाँ थियो र छ पनि । मैले पाउनसक्ने अब त्यति हो, त्यति । तिमीलाई सायद अब थाहा भयो किन यहाँ साबुन छैन, सीयो र धागो छैन, तातोपानी छैन, सिटामोल छैन, जुकाको औषधि छैन, क्रीम, स्याम्पू केही छैन । यीमध्ये कुनै पनि छैनन् सधैं नै, सदा सदाको लागि नै । तिमी राम्रोसँग देख्न सक्छौ घरभाँडाको लागि मैले सयौं तिर्नुपर्छ । बाँकी जति प्रायः सबै खानामा जान्छ । मकैको पीठो, उसिनेको चामल, दाल र डेरीको दूधमा । आफूले भ्याएसम्म थोरै विजुली प्रयोग गर्ने कोसिस गर्छु । फेरि धेरै गर्नाले खानाको लागि त्यति नै कम हुन्छ ।

दरिद्रता अँध्यारो भविष्यमा हेर्नु हो । तिम्रा बालबच्चाहरु मेरा केटाकेटीसँग खेल्दैनन् । उनीहरु, आफूलाई चाहिने कुरा चोर्ने खालका केटाकेटीहरुतिर हेर्छन् । म अहिले नै उनीहरुलाई मेरो गरिवीको वारको साटो उनीहरुको जेलको वारपछाडि देखिरहेको छु । अथवा उनीहरु रक्सी र ड्रग्सको स्वतन्त्रतातिर फर्कनेछन् र आफूलाई अधीनस्थ पाउनेछन् । अनि मेरी छोरी ? आशा गरौं उनको लागि पनि पुरुषको झैं जीवन रहेको छ । तर तिमी मलाई स्कूलहरु छँदैछन् नि भन्छौ । हो, स्कूलहरु छन् । मेरा केटाकेटीहरुसँग अरु किताब, पत्रिका, पेन्सिल, रंगीविरंगी कलम र कागज छैनन् । र सबैभन्दा मुख्य कुरा, उनीहरुसँग स्वास्थ्य छैन । उनीहरुसँ कीटाणु छन्, उनीहरुसँग घाउ छन् , गर्मी महिनाभरि उनीहरुसँग पाकेका आँखा हुन्छन् । उनीहरु भुईंमा राम्ररी सुत्दैनन् न त मेरो खाटमा मसँग नै । उनीहरु भोकले ग्रस्त हुँदैनन् । मेरो रु. ३५०० ले हामीलाई बचाउँछ । तर उनीहरु कुपोषणबाट पीडित छन् । अँ साच्चि, स्कूलमा स्वास्थ्यको बारेमा पढाइएको म सम्झन्छु । यसले त्यति राम्रो भने गर्दैन । कुनै कुनै ठाउँमा स्वास्थ्य कार्यक्रम हुन्छन्, यहाँ हुँदैनन् । जिल्ला प्रमुखले यो धेरै खर्चिलो हुने बताए । स्कूल खाजा कार्यक्रम पनि हुन्छ । तर मेरा दुई छोरा छन् जो स्कूल पुगुन्जेलसम्ममा विग्रिसकेका हुनेछन् ।

तर तिमी मलाई स्वास्थ्य संस्थाहरु छन् नि भन्छौ । हो, धेरै स्वास्थ्य संस्थाहरु छन् र ती शहरमा छन् । म यहाँ शहरभन्दा २० कि.मि. टाढा बस्छु । त्यति हिंड्न त म सक्छु (आउँदाजाँदा ४० कि.मि. नै भए पनि) तर मेरा स–साना केटाकेटीले सक्लान् ? मेरो छिमेकीले ऊ जाँदा मलाई लैजन त लैजान्छ, तर उसले केही पाउने आश गर्छ, जस्तोसुकै तरिकाले किन नहोस् । म विश्वस्त छु तिमीले मेरो छिमेकीलाई चिनेका छौ। ऊ त्यो भद्दा मान्छे हो जो चिया दोकान, हजाम, कुनाको खुद्रा पसल आदिमा अवैध केटाकेटीका पतित आमाहरुमाथि सरकारले पैसा खर्च गरेकोबारे गुनासो गर्दै आफ्नो समय विताउँछ ।

अभाव एसिडको थोपो हो जुन आफ्नो भएभरको स्वाभिमान नगुमेसम्म त्यसमा झरिरहन्छ । अभाव एउटा करौंती हो जसले आफ्नो भएभरको सम्मान नहराएसम्म त्यसमा रेटिरहन्छ । तिमीहरुमध्ये कसैले मेरोजस्तो अवस्थामा आफू भए केही गर्थ्यौं भन्छौ र र पहिलो हप्ता वा पहिलो महिनाको लागि सायद गर्थ्यौ पनि तर एकपछि अनि फेरि अर्को वर्षको लागि चाहिं ?

सपना देख्न गरिवले पनि सक्छन् । त्यो समयको सपना जब पैसा हुन्छ । पैसा, पोषिलो खानेकुराको लागि, रोगको औषधिको लागि, भिटामिनको लागि, दाँत माझ्ने बुरुषको लागि, क्रीमको लागि, हतौडा र कीलाहरु र अलिकति जचाउनको लागि, स्यावेलको लागि, रंगरोगनको लागि, बँसाइसराइको लागि, सीयो धागोको लागि । पैसा पैंचो तिर्नको लागि, पैसा शहरसम्म जानको लागि । अनि साँच्चि, तातोपानीको लागि, अनि साबुनको लागि पैसा । एउटा सपना जब मद्दत माग्नाले स्वाभिमानको अन्तिम बिन्दु गुम्दैन । जब तिमी जाने अफिस अरु सरकारी अफिसहरुजत्तिकै राम्रो हुन्छ, जब तिमीलाई छिट्टै सहयोग गर्ने थुपै्र हातहरु हुन्छन्, जब उनीहरुले पराजय र पीडाको घडीमा साथ छोड्दैनन् । जब तिमीले आफ्नो कथा एकजनालाई मात्र सुनाए पुग्छ, र त्यो व्यक्तिले तिमीलाई अरु सहयोग गर्न सक्छ अनि तिमीले आफ्नो दरिद्रता बारम्बार प्रमाणित गरिरहनु पर्दैन ।

तिमीलाई यी सब कुरा भन्न म मेरो पीडाबाट बाहिर आएको छु । अर्कै ठाउँ र अर्कै समयबाट म आएको हैन, सम्झिराख । मजस्ता अरुहरु सबै तिम्रै वरिपरि छन् । हामीलाई क्रोधित मुटुले हेर, त्यो क्रोध जसले मलाई मद्दत गर्न तिमीलाई उत्प्रेरणा दिन्छ । त्यो क्रोध जसले तिमीलाई मेरो बारेमा भन्न लगाउँछ । गरीबहरु सधैं शान्त हुन्छन् । के तिमी पनि शान्त रहन सक्छौ ?

Writer: Jo Goodwin Parker

MARRY ? NO...NO

2009-01-02T05:29:00.000-08:00

Marriage! What a word! What a sensation! Who is not pleased to hear it? We brighten up sparkling our eyes with pleasing thoughts in the mind. The children are excited; young ones blush, the experienced ones are delighted to cherish the memory. What is this very word then? Is it really that pleasurable? Of course, it is. However, what I would like to add here is yes, marriage is a pleasure, but, temporary. How? I am here to show.

The very topic 'marriage' has never been considered seriously. It is, of course, a great concern of everybody's life and a big caution is taken on taking decisions, whom to choose a partner for one's life. However, it's not sufficient. A lot is needed to be thought upon it before we move ahead.

We believe marriage is compulsory as it is a natural process and those who challenge nature encounter disaster. But we never care the effects and the misery it has been creating for us. If you want to care it now, have a slight glimpse at it. Proceed further. If not, don't waste your precious time on these useless details.

Take a close look at the world holding us. How is she able to carry such an overload? The world is overpopulated. Crowds and crowds everywhere we go. While walking from home or office or from any other places, look how many heads we see on the way. Where do they all come from? Many don't get enough; neither food and shelter nor any good to wear. Half the world is crying in despair. What for? For their desires unfulfilled, for their shattered hopes, for their dreams turning out false. Earth has become feeble. Now she is old. It is our time to support her now. How can we get ready to produce new babies to deteriorate the present situation and do ill to our Earth by marrying? Let's consider this truth.

Have you seen the married couples complaining most of the time about their partners? Obviously, you have, I know. They are so busy criticizing them they forget they are revealing all the secrets of their conjugal life to other people and get aware of this when it's too late. Also, since it is a matter of relationship, it is most of the time almost impossible to live one's life according to one's will. Dominance is the key factor which ruins this bond. This domination causes both to live in artificial manner. Life is pretended. Individual freedom is not granted. We become puppets. So how can a mere puppet life be worthy? Is not our life to live for ourselves?

We live in reality. A Utopia is limited only in the pages of dictionary. Even if it has been used, it is for the imaginative litterateurs and again the very word gets stuck in the pages of books. Since there is not a thing called 'perfection' in our life, so is the relationship. There can never be a perfect harmony in this bond which many of us expect. All the relations are based on reality and a conjugal relationship is even more contaminated by this factor. So the relationship becomes like that of 2 enemies. However, it is the least important factor of this essay.

Let's analyse ourselves. What are we? We are human beings, so called the highest animals. Are we? I doubt. We claim we are perfect. 'I'm the best and the cleverest'-This is our claim. All of us say that. We have to. Otherwise, we would gain inferiority. But, observing closely, have we attained the perfection qualities? Look at the shameful deeds we have done. How many times a day we lie to ourselves? Uncountable. What are we in real? A hollow; shallow flesh, bone, and blood. That's it. A complete hypocrite. We have inherited all the qualities biologically from our parents, through genes. So how can we claim we will create a good human, a pure human and make it perfect in every sense? What we never could become all our life, can we merely claim to provide it to our offspring? Aren't we cheating ourselves and them, who are not even born? What right we have to do so? It is a sin. Let's not commit it knowingly. We are incapable of raising people, biologically as well as psychologically.

At the end, the essay aims not at going against the institution of marriage, the age-old tradition, but to make you think twice before you take any steps for it. This might help create the world a better place to live in as we already are conscious of the marital effects. And maybe a temporary pleasure will turn out to be a constant pleasure until we live and let others live.

When we have no time

2008-11-13T20:57:00.000-08:00

What can be more humorous than knowing of no time to write, to write something prepared before maybe about 5-6 years ago. Look at the modern man. How pitiable!

Got so engrossed in life affairs that could do nothing except jot down the titles (thanks god, still have them safe). Was thinking to write something on it when had free time. But this time never came in all these years. How funny!

So at last, decided to make it a whole package and bring it to an end and got now the chance. In fact, it was suggested by one of my friends. Since life is moving rapidly, might have no time even for this tomorrow. Who knows ? Pending stuffs need not pend too long.

Well, “The topics to write on” begins with ‘Deprivation.’ Then continues with, A Decade after SLC, A Decade without Baba, I have a Card (Nepali version), An Abandoned House, Living with Idiots, When you are Born to Eat and Sleep, Passivity Kills, Silent World, Education Today. However, got a few time to finish up “A Decade after SLC”, “A Decade without baba” and “Education Today.”

The list goes on further-“A Place where People end up Becoming a Lunatic”, A Love, an Affair, Living in the Hedonistic and Sadistic Realities, Living in the Seclusion, To be or Not to be, Yes Culture or No Culture, Sandwiched in Between 2 Gods, A No-Culture Society, When we Rise in Love, Monologue of a Lady (Cultural Crisis), and When we have No Time. Among them, few of them like When we Rise in Love, Monologue…, When…Time, were somewhat sort of started but were never expanded more than a paragraph. Never grew the ideas. So, decided to make all of them a single piece of work.

In this way, no wonder what the whole piece looks like, the pending work is no long pending and it is a great relief to know that.

13 Kartik, 2065

It's All About Love...

2008-10-27T23:25:00.000-07:00

2060/03/06
Suppression

Is this punishment of your love?
Feeling so weak
Nearly crumbling into pieces
All my muscles, tendons
The whole body is shivering
So quiet everything here is
They are so still
and are therefore moving
I feel dizzy

All symptoms appear in me
Nausea, Fatigue, Lethargy
So confused I am
What shall I do?
Seems we are not made to depart
as we always thought
Otherwise, why would everything go so perplexed?
Seems we are made to be together forever

2060/01/04
About You

I love to wake you up
in the morning
and call you for the meal
You wash your face
then soon get ready for it.
I serve you your dish
at the table
right in front of which
mine is set.

You enjoy and relish each of them silently
I observe and love your style
Never a complain, never a stare
Always a smile upon your face
I forget to have mine
When I see your smile
I desire for that face
to look at it forever
in the same way.

After a while, you stand up
and go away
taking a part of me
along with you
I remain alone the whole day
recalling the shared moments
You return in the evening
and I open the door
Your bright smile flashes upon me
making my evening much more
The smile reflects upon you
and the conversation is over

The face glowing like the sun
makes me warm and light
In your presence
A second's spared moment
makes my whole day
Teach me your style
I want to be you
Keep smiling to the ones
you come across
A flash of your lips means
a lot to them.

2059/11/18
A Decade Without Baba

Baba! Such a dear and lovely name
Neither you wished money nor fame
Indifferent to the ways of the game
But, alas, you got nothing but lame.

So much changes have come Baba
Since you have left the world
Living without you is like
Walking on the sword.

Life is no longer sweet Baba
like the way we once had
It's never going to be same again
'coz we have lost our dear dad.

Aren't you ever going to return?
Where were you? Where are you?
Shall I never see you again?
How am I to spend my life without you?

Getting nostalgic, going to a decade ago
I find peace and confidence in my heart
Facing the reality of never seeing you again
I live in the memories of the past.

Baba, wherever you are
I'm still the same... ... ....

2060/01/04
To The Unborn Child

There you stay comfortably
within your mama's womb
enjoying the warmth of her
a cutie little dumb.

Waiting for a special day
to be born months after
hoping for some reasons, good
that you will become later.

But had you only known
the world here present
What will become of you?
You'd remain unborn and resent.

I feel sorry for you
from the depth of my heart
Can't you remain unborn?
and prevent the new start?

2059/07/09
FRENS

Born somewhere distant
Become so near
Developing trust within
No need to fear

Indifferent when happy
Encouraging when depressed
Helping when troubled
Sharing when repressed.

Getting together for years
Until the change
Keeping in touch
Without any revenge.

2059/07/09
What happened?

When she met him
And he met her first
In a crowded room,
What happened?
None of them remember
the actual conversation now.

As time passed, they turned out
to be friends.
To her it was unknown that
in her presence
He was always present.
Sometimes even as opponents
both wound stand.
But every time, he won, she lost.

She admired him for his friendliness
For his Intelligence
For his Patience
For his Clarity
And she knew he did not hate her
'coz he was indifferent.
But then what happened?

Suddenly, they were together
Nobody forced, it happened
What happened?
She always remembered him
She was pleased to talk with,
about him and even to think
A feeling of oneness
much more than words can say
The seed was sowed.
It germinated.
A green plant, so lovely.

But what happened?
Leaves turned pale and fell
Starting from the peak
to the bottom
The whole plant died.
Only the seed remained.

The seed is still in there... ... ....

Message

I write it
to make you know.
I tear it
to hide from others.

I think about you
but suddenly stop
preventing others from knowing
some changes in me have come.

I want to throw you away
but you are fixed within me.
I look into my body to know your presence
but you are there in each cells.

Suddenly I find it
impossible to forget you
Then comes another feeling
why should I do ?

I've decided to remember you
not knowing any other way.
Throwing myself in a false hope
of getting together some new day.
So I write it to make it know.
Again I tear it to hide from others.

Such secret is my love.

1)
Your proving me ugly-
A reason strong enough
to prove you best.

Seems you are too good-
What a foolishness
fancying togetherness!

Had the pain been mild
things would seem much easy.
It’s true people say
there is no love without tragedy.

2)
When the mind stops working
And the heart is still
That’s the moment
I remember you the most.

Written words of power
More so than the speech
Sometimes become the only medium
For the repressed expression.

Mind getting clearer
With the flowing of words
Let them flow into you as well
Though not transforming
At least make you recognize my self.

STORM-A ROSE

2008-10-24T02:42:00.000-07:00

“Oh, my love is like a red, red rose”-the teacher suddenly stated. It brought back her distracted mind. He was teaching about Robert Burns. Again, she got preoccupied and started imagining-if only I had love like that…my love differs from that, it is too special…love is not that easily symbolized through rose…, and so on. Actually, she thinks too much and that also through all her dreamy ways, not letting out any of her benefits. The teacher was going on with Burns’ life and she with her own, a life created in her fantasy. He finishes the lecture and she was bound to finish her dreams, as the bell suddenly rang.

By stating all these, we get a certain glimpse that she has something going on. Not something considered as good, rather the opposite. Talking about her personal life, it can’t be said to be tragic one. She was neither friendless nor unhappy. There were plenty of them, most of them having the thought “A friend in need is a friend indeed.” And her family members loved her so much that she always felt she was one of the blessed ones. As a child, she was brought up quite well. A lot of friends to enjoy with, a good education in a convent, a firm family support, and the things children love to do, all were granted to her.

Slowly and gradually, as time passed by, she grew up. Then there stood a young sophisticated lady with a good education, good figure, and a kind-hearted soul. She was a blooming rose. Ah! A blooming rose! How pleasant to look at! And moreover, a rose in the blow of the gentle wind spreading its fragrance allover. How pleasing a thought! Unexpectedly, what if the wind suddenly turned out to be harsh on the naive rose and become totally destructive?

As it is often said, falling in love is the best part of one’s life, we are all lured towards it. And therefore, she was not an exception. She fell in love. And with whom? A lunatic. As a lady with brains she was, being aware of how people would react to this, before anyone doubted of her love, she killed her love. Actually, she killed herself. And, this she did with a great effort. So the new blooming love got suppressed. Ah! “The suppression”! If only she knew what it meant. She believed “True love ends in tragedy.” So, in a way, she wanted to make her love true.

We have heard people saying sufferings don’t come alone, they come in pairs. It seems true most of the time in our experiences. Same was the case with her. The circumstances turned out in such a way that it aggravated her current situation immersing her completely into the ponds of griefs, sorrows, and misery. She was fired from the job, her father turned alcoholic, and her friends kept distance with her. At the same time, her best friend died in an accident. Moreover, she was missing the family support. All these were contributing factors to her seclusion for a whole year.

Those days passed with a repeated question in her mind “Why does it always rain on me? It was never answered anyway. Tears had become her friends and they gave her company whenever she required. Crying and weeping for hours and hours had become a routine until finally realizing no more tears were left to shed. However, she never blamed or complained about anything. It was the time she most required a support, but what a dilemma, there were none even to communicate with.

Men are selfish by nature. During her bad days, none dared to help her unconditionally. However, life had to carry on. Finding no way out, only the way ahead was a way towards spirituality. She had faith in God and believed he will show a right path. So, she blindly followed him like a faithful child. This brought the transformation into her whole personality and changed her into a different individual. Then adjustment in the society became hard for her. She had lost many things due to the shock and it took her years to recover the real self. However, she never healed completely.

At present, she is a well-known figure in the society, a renowned celebrity. She believes that whatever happened to her, it was for good. She neither has regrets nor complaints. A woman of appreciation who has so much to do for herself, for the nation, and for the whole mankind-she is on the way towards humanity. How could she come this far without the miseries? She was gifted with the sorrows of love and her sufferings taught what life meant. So, life blooms with sorrows as the heart blooms with Rose.

DUMPSTER

2008-10-24T02:14:00.000-07:00

Date: 03/16/2005
Dumpster
Dumpster Representatives
Nepal

To,
The Human Beings
Nepal
Subject: Listen to Me!

Dear People,
Thank you for allowing me the opportunity to express myself। I’m a dumpster. I’m speaking on behalf of all the dumpsters of our country. I’ll be pouring out myself and sharing my experiences with you today.

I’ve many friends-garbage, flies, mosquitoes, waste products and many more। I live and play with them most of the time. But one thing is for sure-I keep on making new friends. I don’t have best friends, neither something like oldest friends. My friends keep varying with times. Sometimes, the old ones come to visit me when I’m surrounded by plenty of friends. Really, I enjoy so much then.

But often I find myself miserable। One of the reasons that makes me such is the grabbing away of my friends and making me remain all alone. Whenever I am fully filled up, somebody comes and snatches all my dear ones making me miserable. Poor me! I’ve to wait then for the time being for a new friend to come.

Besides this, I’ve other complaint as well। It is all because of me people are healthy and fine. The wastage they throw in me make them sick if not thrown away. But what do they do when they look at me? They shrink their nose and spit by my side. This just irritates me. Not only it’s me who is badly looked upon. Even my friends have been ill-treated. I once heard a saying by a great man-“Tell me who your friends are and I will say who you are.” Maybe it is through this saying humans have created a perception towards us. But, you need to thank us for making your environment clean.

While talking about my company, it’s not only friends that I have। I’m bound to face my enemies as well. Plastics, irons, crumbled glasses, decayed wastages all make me overloaded. Sometimes, I start pouring out also. These all can be utilized by people if they have a desire. I need not explain how. So, think over it.

During my lifetime, I’ve come over some moments when I was provided humans as friends। You must be getting confused. Well, there were some new born babies provided to me, whether left to decay or for somebody to notice them I don’t know. However, I wonder at their cruel mothers. Oh, heartless mothers ! I’ve nothing more to say for them.

Now I would like to make you clear that there are positive aspects of me as well which you surely can find on your keen observation towards me। If you don’t possess that power, I’ll let you know. You better listen. It is because of me your environment is clean. No doubt about it. My friends also help a lot in that matter. some animals don’t have enough to eat. We are good providers for them, especially the dogs. The other quality that we possess is our big size. So, there is no need for you to worry on where to store the waste materials. You can use small utensils whatever you feel convenient for you to store for the time being and then later transfer them into me. You can use me daily. Through this, I help you economically as well. I would like to further add that we play a role in helping our nation also. People work as employers and earn some money too. Unemployment really seems a big problem these days. Besides all these, I play a very important part in preventing the environment pollution. Just imagine a day without me. Where are you to throw the wastages? Garbage and garbage everywhere ! Life will be horrible for you.

At last, what I would like to say is each and every object present in the world has value and importance in its own way. We all should be performing our duty when required. I, as a dumpster, have been trying to help you in whatever the way I can. Really speaking, I am not a pleasant thing to look upon. But as it is said “Beauty lies in the eyes of a beholder,” let’s learn to appreciate at times. It is my most humble request to you.
Thank you for having patience to listen to me. I hope to hearing from you soon in the future.

Wishing for the betterment of a nation,

Yours faithfully,

A Dumpster

WOH KAGAZKI KASTI, WOH BAARISHKA PANI **

2008-10-22T00:27:00.000-07:00

“I am Cinderella . I am Siddhartha Gautam. I am Shrawan Kumar. I am the beautiful princess waiting patiently for a Prince Charming to come, and holding my hand, lifting me onto his horse, then ride me along with him to his wonderful palace.” Such silly thoughts ! All those dreamy days!

Once in a lifetime, all of us go through similar situation. It shapes our mentality, gives hint of what we are becoming in the near future according to the models we choose. Talking about her in particular, this very thing has both good and bad effect upon her. Let’s say about 50/50. To some extent, the effects will be shared through these pages.

After knowing the abovementioned figures, acting like them became a habit. Fascinated by their virtues, it was impossible to act otherwise. The innocence of Cinderella, kindness of Siddhartha, the obedience of Shrawan Kumar, and the beauty and charm of prince, princess, fairies, they all aroused that tiny heart. The heart followed them without any questions of doubt. “They are greatly admired and we will be the same only if we become like them.” This was the way thoughts developed.
As she started growing up, she kept following all her ideals as much as possible. Whatever she learnt from what she came across, she would pick up the good qualities from them and always behave accordingly because she had been taught to do so. But at the later period of life, too many confusions arose because of this. The little girl had become a young lady. Because of the confusions, she had a lot of questions in her mind. It took her years to get the answers, and not that easily. However, she is now a mature balanced personality and is provided with answers for most of the questions.

Let’s not digress much. To make it rather clear, applying those gained knowledge to the practical world became unrealistic. People laughed at her. She was made a mockery of her attitude. Poor lady! Totally in a dilemma and confused with everything. The result then was frustration. It took her a long time to know whatever we read is just for reading and in practical life, we are to act in totally a different way than what we are taught so far.

However, the reading habit of her childhood helped later greatly. She was imaginative and always a good scholar. She was liked by friends and teachers for what she was. Moreover, she possessed humanity. She cared for human values and so she had empathy for whosoever came in contact with her. This gradually expanded the horizon of company around her. She never hurt anyone knowingly. This resulted in maturation of the immature age. Because of her good learning, she acquired a number of skills. Whether talking about writing, increasing vocabulary, knowing things, or gaining confidence, her knowledge always helped. Wherever she went, success and appreciation followed her because of her efficiency and life became meaningful in all respects.

To sum up, childhood days, no doubt, are the golden days which tempt us to rewind it if only that was in our power. Such a carefree life ! No bonds, no stresses to worry about. That moment has to be lived to full. Eat, drink, and be merry and make each minute worthy –this needs to be the motto of anyone’s childhood. Whatever the skills learnt, they are certainly going to help us in the future. If not so, at least we can fill the pages and feel nostalgic as the way I have done. O sweet memories!!
Woh kasti, woh pani……….

** it is one of Jagjit Singh’s ghazals related to childhood days

Men’s Day

2008-10-22T00:21:00.000-07:00

“Men are not worth being celebrated.”

You are today what you are because of her. It was she who held your hand, guided you the right path never letting you fall. She is your mother, your wife, your daughter, your sister and even more. She shines allover and radiates herself to the whole mankind. Her beauty and admiration have always been appreciated. She is full of life, activity and what not. So what is the harm in admiring her for one full day for the role she has played for the mankind ?

However, you must be thinking if she has been celebrated internationally, why not we ? After all, we also play a great role in our own way. It is very obvious to think that. but let me remind you something. Do compare once the role you and the lady closest to you plays. Got the difference ? In quantity or quality? Who do you think is worth celebration? I may sound highly feministic, but the truth is always bitter. It is often said so but that is the truth.

Furthermore, she is physically weak naturally. No matter how much she claims that she is equal to men, there always is a limit for her. But look at her overloads. She has to look after all the household works before she is married. And she has to cope with the new environment however it is after the marriage, whether it be a love marriage or an arranged one. Not to mention about the loads after marriage as a wife, daughter-in-law, mother and many more. In today’s context, there might also be some women unwilling to adjust in the marital bond and finally get divorced. However, the ultimate result is always a disaster, a destruction of a society. So, she has the sole responsibility of making her society a heaven or a hell. Where are the men in this issue ? Far behind.

In the 21st century today, it has become much more difficult for her. She has got to compete with men and become successful. As women are being educated, they are aware of their rights. This might even make them revolutionaries. These days, we can see the tendency of women willing to remain unmarried and independent. They don’t want to surrender themselves under the male dominance unlike the old generation. Neither can they tolerate the imposition of machismo. If this trend of women continues, what would become of the future yet to come? Even the ecological balance would get affected and tomorrow’s world may end in chaos.

To conclude with, “Men’s Day” is not a bad thing to be initiated. Rather it is a must today as we claim ourselves to be egalitarians. But before moving any further, what needs to be understood is “Men should make themselves worth celebration.” They should give up their wrongs, misdeeds, male chauvinism and machismo and try to walk together with women holding hands. After all, human life is a product of a man and a woman. For a perfect harmony, both need to be balanced proportionately. So men, if you really want a day for your celebration, at least you have got to make yourself deserve it.

Suppression

2008-10-22T00:14:00.000-07:00

Suppression! These days a well known term. Actually related to psychological area and might even result in various abnormalities. We can see many examples in our surroundings. But why has it become so common? We are going to seek causes and find solutions as we move ahead.

The world is moving faster day per day. It is becoming more competitive. People have no time; no time for anything, whether to eat, sleep or enjoy. They just work , work and work trying to make themselves efficient. Because one needs to do so to sustain ate the present. Darwin’s theory “Survival of the fittest” truly fits in today’s context. If we want to live being a winner, we must labor hard but if we don’t, our failure is right before us. So everybody is busy thinking about themselves. Importance of time has been increased much more for people now. They have lot many things to do in short time. They hardly have time for others. As a result, suppression is increasing in people resulting in mental disturbances. Most of us are not aware of it when it happens. We just continue suppressing ourselves but once we become unusual, life becomes horrible. We then are totally unable to get the hold of it.

Life is such we can’t do everything we want. We can’t be completely driven only by our id. Suppressing is directly related to our unconscious mind. We have desires and wishes, all of which can’t be fulfilled. So it gets suppressed. But suppressing things does not kill those desires completely. They remain there in our mind throughout our life, but in hidden form. We just are not able to know these suppressed desires in the conscious state because they remain in the unconscious level.

By the way, whether talking about whether suppression is good or bad, we need to know in what context it has taken place. It is good at times when the desires are unusual. In contrast, if the desires are normal but can’t be fulfilled, they are bound to be suppressed. The suppression leads to mental complexities. And if this increases even more, then it will soon turn out to be disastrous also. If we suppress our emotions and desires on one occasion, it naturally emerges out at the other moment. If might happen even without our knowing. It is good to suppress our extreme antisocial desires because we are humans and are termed as rational beings. We rank ourselves superior to animals because of the quality of self-control that we possess and also we can distinguish what needs to be done and what deserted. We live in a society and so we have to respect and follow its norms. To remain in a society and live life to full, there is questioning of following its principles. But everything has a limit.

Can we prevent ourselves from falling into a prey of mental conflict due to suppression? Surely we can. Some methods according to psychologists are self-analyzation, communication, interaction, expressing ourselves. The best and the easiest way referred by psychologists today is communication. Things happening to us needs to be expressed to somebody. Then only we get the calmness. We might also say “Why to share with others when they neither understand nor believe to what I say?” and remain just quiet all the time. This is the mistake we make. It is obvious to have such feelings but what we need to know is to find somebody who is there to listen to our griefs and sorrows is a great chance to release ourselves. We all are humans and have heart. In our lifetime, we come across same phases that others have gone through or will be going soon. Though the experiences are somewhat different with all of us, there lies similarities to some extent. So people can feel what we are going through if we share ourselves with them. And this process of sharing makes us relaxed.

On the whole, though suppressing emotions and feelings is becoming the way of our life, we can prevent ourselves from any ill happenings we get by overdoing it. There are different ways to release ourselves; however, the best one is to express us before others. We have so many people who care for us. But, we fail to see them at times. It is very difficult to find someone amidst this hectic life schedule who listens to what we say. So, what are we waiting for ? Let’s express emptying ourselves feeling free of any bad happenings that might occur after sharing things. Let’s learn to trust sometimes. Sharing is always better than ending our life exploding our head. Let’s move ahead. Somebody is waiting for us.