NEW ONES

2066/01/11
April 24th
Disillusionment

What a life to cherish
What a moment to live by
What a friend to shed tears
What a company to be with
What a snobbery to be seen
What a world to laugh at
What an improper creature a man
What a dilemma to survive through them
What an illusion created over all
What a bondage to pass through

Oh me! oh miserable me !
Hypocrisy rules
Fate governs
Predicament inescapable
Silence everywhere

April 24
Paranoia

Finding myself in this state now, it is pretty hard to distinguish what might be right and what not, who are correct and who not. I never imagined I might be in this position some day. But time is a mystery. No one knows what happens when. It gives an opportunity for everyone to get experienced its various elements. No haste, just a patience, and it will be granted. Ah, mercy.

A state when we find all things out of track, all people out of way, nobody could be trusted upon, we get blank- a feeling of hopelessness and worthlessness, depression, frustration, and what not. An easy impetus for a suicidal attempt but something still is preventing me from such stuffs, maybe the knowledge gained so far, maybe the experiences, maybe the aftermaths. Know not.

It seems good though as it is going to take a firm way now onwards, just a hope anyway. At least something will end and something open. It seems an outlet for expression. Enough is enough. Expression is better than explosion, whatever, however. Let it alone be paranoid feelings. Enough of suppression and repression. A way out is essential, a necessity and natural. Nature is powerful, hardly avoidable. It takes its track out and becomes natural and everything is in equilibrium.