JOURNEY

Starting our trip to Sindhupalchowk on April 11th, we headed to Koteshwor at 7:30 am and reached Dhadkhola at 10:30 am on Rs. 85/head. Took lunch (chiura, chana, chicken)in the DK bazaar and crossed the jholunge pul at around 11:15 am. Below was Indraabati flowing. Walked in the dreadful sun for about 15 minutes. Rested in tree shadows, watched the children swimming and took snaps. Forgot a cap and returned back again. Rested in a big tree near a small fountain and ate grapes. Then headed a straight hill ahead in midday sun. Rested 4-5 times during the uphill journey and took nearly 3-1/2 hours to reach the destination.

On reaching the top, we forgot all the difficulties. The wind was pleasant and we ate pure curd, banana, and chiura (too tasty) in Badegaon. Rested a bit and went to Thanti, saw the school and took snaps. Returned back and ate masyaura and rice. We then slept. Though electricity was available, we could not see due to load shedding. Water was easily available in every place in this village. Got up early morning and felt the stomach not functioning well. Had 3/4 bowel movements. Roamed down and took snaps. Returned back, ate rice with all pure stuffs and headed shortcut towards the main road.

Indeed a great fun to know we reached to the bank in about half an hour just because we had to hurriedly follow a leader (an old man). Stayed in the yesterday’s water fountain and crossed Indraawati. Took snaps there too and the stones were slippery and the flow of the river strong. Walked on the hot sand and reached the main road. We planned to reach Melamchi and watch the water but due to Nepal bandh, the plan failed. Finished a wai wai and walked towards Kunta besi. Found a trax and a crowded bus following it. We took the trax, payed Rs.15/head and reached Kunta. Ate chicken and chiura and headed other relative’s home. Found red soil and ainselu and reached there. Found gobar gas and drank black tea. Again headed inner areas and oldest house and returned back. Took touch-me-not videos and had fun. Ate evening meal and watched DVD for a few minutes and slept with mosquitoes all over.

The next morning, got up and had a cup of milk and walked straight towards Dhaitar, Mahadevsthan. From there, went roaming for about an hour and saw fat in milk checked, took a touch-me-not plant, and took snaps in big stones. Then reached Mahadevsthan and played cards and had rice with ghee. Felt heavy and slept for a few moments in a hot day. Got up and went to other relative’s house and had tea and biscuit. Then headed at around 4 pm to Chainpur uphill through the jungle. Reached the top in about 5:30 pm. Nagarkot was just in front of this hill. Reached the top and had popcorn and soyabeans. Again roamed downwards and reached the place at night and had a meal. Then went up and slept in a mosquito net.

Next morning, we had lots to do. So, got up at 5 am and had tea. Headed downwards and within 45 minutes, we reached Mahadevsthan. Stayed there for a few minutes and went Kunta. Stayed there too and watched the well and the most awaited buffalo worth Rs. 43,000 giving 7 liters of milk. Then caught a bus to Lamindada and got heated in a crowded bus. From Lamindada, headed Palanchowk in a trax (Rs. 30/head). Took snaps outside and ate vegetable chowmein and achar and headed Satdobato which never seem to come. Finally, went our home and took snaps. Returned and went Tiharthok, met mom and stayed in Pipalbot as the bus was already missed. So, thought of walking but fortunately were able to catch a trax just nearby and went Palanchok. Again, had a lunch there and caught a trax to Banepa (Rs. 60/head). From Banepa, stayed in a big bus and reached Koteshwor safely. From Koteshwor, we walked to office and finally arrived in the New Year Evening.

15th April, 2009

NEW ONES

2066/01/11
April 24th
Disillusionment

What a life to cherish
What a moment to live by
What a friend to shed tears
What a company to be with
What a snobbery to be seen
What a world to laugh at
What an improper creature a man
What a dilemma to survive through them
What an illusion created over all
What a bondage to pass through

Oh me! oh miserable me !
Hypocrisy rules
Fate governs
Predicament inescapable
Silence everywhere

April 24
Paranoia

Finding myself in this state now, it is pretty hard to distinguish what might be right and what not, who are correct and who not. I never imagined I might be in this position some day. But time is a mystery. No one knows what happens when. It gives an opportunity for everyone to get experienced its various elements. No haste, just a patience, and it will be granted. Ah, mercy.

A state when we find all things out of track, all people out of way, nobody could be trusted upon, we get blank- a feeling of hopelessness and worthlessness, depression, frustration, and what not. An easy impetus for a suicidal attempt but something still is preventing me from such stuffs, maybe the knowledge gained so far, maybe the experiences, maybe the aftermaths. Know not.

It seems good though as it is going to take a firm way now onwards, just a hope anyway. At least something will end and something open. It seems an outlet for expression. Enough is enough. Expression is better than explosion, whatever, however. Let it alone be paranoid feelings. Enough of suppression and repression. A way out is essential, a necessity and natural. Nature is powerful, hardly avoidable. It takes its track out and becomes natural and everything is in equilibrium.

A Meeting Point

Maybe it is the most visited place in a day. The respected, holy shrine which acts as an area of confession for the guilty, a place for conditional offer to the one within it (wow, this seems a nice term), a way to pass time through just visiting it and showing oneself a devotee, joining a choir just in case they could not find any reliable way to expose themselves leaving it as the least important option to move forward through PR. Many people just enter it as it comes across. Their way helps in obtaining mental peace, a psychological and cultural impact.

There will be marriage parties going on in its surroundings, one behind the center and the next one on its right side. Since the catering services are high in demand and is easier for busy people, they are busy managing red and blue chairs and materials required for the evening since parties in the evening are growing in demand. The one on the back has a big hall and needs no tents outside. But, the next needs a planning of a tent around. Maybe the space inside is quite small or they aren’t allowed to use that room.

Next, a new bride is entering there. Robed in a gold shining, heavy embroidered red sari, blouse and a shawl (red cotton shoes, of course), accompanied by a couple of ladies in her sides, she enters, bows and takes blessings.

After this, a child on his rice-feeding ceremony is carried over inside. Dressed in red shiny polyster-mixed clothes (most probably without shoes) with eyes black by kajal allover, he is bowed before God and is put a red tika on his forehead for blessings.

Also, there is a funeral procession about to go on its left hand side. There is a huge bus stopped from where are about a dozen people coming out one by one. All dressed casually but with a shawl, some are already arranging the woods and straw. Women are sobbing and crying calling out their dear loved one. The corpse is yet to be seen. But it is sure to be seen later.

Here, lies a picture of a life cycle of a man which completes in a day. The very shrine is surrounded by various life rituals. No sides are vacant, too busy a place. We all lie here. That is our destiny. Religion is what binds us and helps maintain a bond of brotherhood.

WHAT A DILEMMA!!!

Everyday I sleep with a hope of making my tomorrow better. But what? Suddenly I get up in the morning and start again the age-old routine. For an hour or so, I carry on with the monologue. Tired of all these now. How long am I going to continue this—the same trend, the same style, the morning self-analyzation making my head blow up for rest of the day?

Also, the environment does not permit me to move ahead. Today, when I was opening the Linguistics, the tough book, thinking to go over it by the time it is already too late, there was a sweet melody of the carpenter’s saw going on outside. Why had he to start his work so early in the morning, when I had a holiday and had a desire to read? It is already hard for me to concentrate, and besides…

There are so many things going on inside the head at a time; a gift to the modern men, the fragmented thoughts and the distresses. It seems as if they are going to explode soon. Too difficult time for them at the present. I wonder what we are created for. How to adjust in such a corrupt world? A modern man is full of frustrations. A miserable man. I think the very word ‘miserable’ suits before every ‘man.’ Since everything is dynamic, the old terms are also to be neo-made—a demand of time.

Look at his misery. After he is born, is educated to become a good individual. Some are lucky enough to be granted education while some not. However, the goal remains the same for all, to become good. He has various obstacles which he faces and overcomes. Then the next one emerges. The process repeats. But, how long? For how long is the nature and fate going to examine him? Until the energy extinguishes? Until he is sick and tired or what? Life is a bouquet of unanswered questions. I think so, and that is the truth whether you agree or not.

I want to write. I am doing now. I want to sing. I took a leave suddenly in my singing classes. I want to work. Today is a holiday. I want to study well. Thanks God! It is a holiday again. Just now, I killed a mosquito. It died by the time I patted and saw it fall down on the bedsheet. I am the same mosquito, weak and completely helpless. What a life to live! I do not want this life. However, it is not in my power to get or not get what I like. A complete puppet! How miserable! And that is not what I desire for, a miserable one. I have hundreds of wishes. I am a human being. So that is the innate quality a man has. How can he be born free of desires? He would be God then. I am just wondering why we be created desirous and still never be provided for. Man would be well satisfied if any of his desires was fulfilled. Not even that! Oh, modern men, I pity you.

It is really difficult to live with corrupt people, especially when the situation aggravates and nothing is in our hand. I wonder why God creates them and for what reason. Just take a brief look at a man. He works so hard, is busy from the time he gets up until the night. Tired with the entire hectic schedule, wants to rest a bit. Returns home and finds everything out of order.

Really, we are the mere puppets in the grip of whosoever is in super power. Okay, we compromised we cannot get all the desires fulfilled. It is impossible, okay. We are fool too according to Bonaparte. Agreed! But again! The efforts the man puts forth are of no use at all. With great struggle, with a hope of a better tomorrow, he reaches to a certain height, falls down a little (as the road is somewhat slippery), again gains strength enough to climb up, reaches to a greater height then. But he is not a single man to reach there. When started, there were many with him. They were weak and had no hope. So, he left them all and reached to the altitude. They, in fact, could not reach the least height. He has many competitors wanting to move towards the apex, the same goal. But what a dilemma! Instead of making themselves strong enough to reach their destination, they aim at throwing their colleagues to the base. They grab his neck and throw him to the muddy pond below the base from where getting out solely depends upon his power and ability. He might even become paralyzed or disabled as a result of the shock. Anyway, if he was mentally prepared for it before starting to climb and had a solution for something like this, it would not be much of a problem. If not, then there is.

Why does it always rain on the feeble ones? I have heard God sees the truth but waits, but for how long? Until the death? The Almighty might know. I do not. We people live in such hope that it would turn out okay soon, and the life ends up with that hope ever unfulfilled. Is he the only person in this world? Why should he work so hard when the rest are happy sleeping and least bothered about anything? All the Neros there and he, the Hercules. Is the responsibility just for him? What for should he suffer if no one has feeling of responsibility? If no one supports him, rather helps him, or at least not disturbs him or not become a hindrance, what value has life for him?

Often people say life is beautiful if we know the tips to live well. But, when there is no one to accompany him, share him, support him, comfort him, caress him, what is the meaning? I say what?

Most of us become blind when reaching our goal. This article is just for those who have desire of becoming something or doing something meaningful to the world so that even after death they are alive in the memories of mankind.

January 2006

नेपाली अनुवाद "अभाव के हो ?"

अभाव के हो तिमी मलाई सोध्छौ ? सुन । म तिम्रो नजिकै छु , डुङडुङती गन्हाउने दाँत र एउटा गतिलो भित्री लुगा विना ।

फोहरी र गन्धपुरी । म भन्छु ,सुन । कुनै सहानुभूति विना सुन । म तिम्रो सहानुभूति प्रयोग गर्न सक्दिन । बुझेर सुन । आफूलाई मेरो फोहर, च्यातिएको नमिल्दो जुत्तामा राख, अनि सुन ।

गरिवी भनेको प्रत्येक बिहान फोहोर र रोगीको टाटैटाटाको ओछ्यानबाट उठ्नु हो । तन्नाहरुले धेरै वर्ष अघिदेखि नै थाङ्नाको काम गर्दै आएका छन् । गरिवी कहिल्यै नछुट्ने गन्धसँग बाँच्नु हो । पिसाब, अमिलो दूध र बासी सडेको खानेकुरा जुन कहिलेकाहीं डढेको प्याजसँगै मिसिएर आउँछ, त्यही गन्ध हो यो । प्याजहरु केही सस्ता हुन्छन् । तिमीले यो गन्ध सुँघेको भए त्यो कसरी आयो तिमीलाई थाहा थिएन होला । यो सार्वजनिक शौचालयको गन्ध हो । रातको लामो अँध्यारो बाटोमा हिंड्न नसक्ने साना केटाकेटीहरुको गन्ध हो यो । वर्षौं देखि दुर्घटनामा परेका ओछ्यानहरुको गन्ध हो यो । स्टोभ बिग्रिएकोले फाटेको दूधको गन्ध हो यो । फेरि यसलाई बनाउन पैसा चाहिन्छ । यो कुहिएको फोहोरको गन्ध हो, मैले यसलाई गाड्न सक्थें तर स्यावेल खोइ ? स्यावेल किन्न पैसा चाहिन्छ ।

दरिद्रता भनेको थकित हुनु हो । म सधैं नै थकित भएको छु । अस्पतालमा मेरो अन्तिम बच्चा हुँदा उनीहरुले भनेका थिए मलाई रगतको कमी भयो रे, पोषिलो खाना र राम्रो स्याहारसुसारको कमीले गर्दा । अनि मेरो अपरेशन गर्नुपर्छ रे, म चुपचाप सुनिरहें । गरिवहरु सध्रैं चुपचाप रहन्छन् । उनीहरु सधैं सुन्छन् । भिटामिन चक्की, खाना वा औषधिको लागि पैसा छैन –अहँ कहिल्यै भन्दैनन् । अपरेशनको सोच नै भयानक हुन्छ र यति धेरै भयानक हुन्छ कि यसको आँट गर्नु मात्र पनि हाँस्यास्पद हुन्थ्यो । मेरा लालावालाको रेखदेख कसले गर्छ ? अपरेशनबाट पूर्णतया निको हुन धेरै समय लाग्छ । मेरा ३ छोराछोरी छन् । अस्तिनै मैले जागिर खाँदा जब उनीहरुलाई मूमासँग छोडेको थिएँ, घर फर्कंदा कान्छीको मुखभरि झंगा भन्किएको र उसको थाङ्ना म गएदेखि नफेरिएको भेटें । जब सुकेको थाङना निकालें, स–साना छालाका टुक्राहरु पनि सँगै आए। माइलोचाहिं फुटेको गिलासको तीखो टुक्रोसँग खेलिरहेको थियो । अनि मेरो जेठोचाहिं पोखरीको छेउमा एक्लै खेल्दैथियो । महिनामा १५०० रुपियाँ कमाउँथें, अनि तीनैजनालाई राम्रो स्कूलमा राख्न १००० रुपियाँ लाग्छ । मैले जागीर छोडें ।

गरिवी मैलो हो । तिमी आफ्नो सफा घरबाट सफा लुगामा निस्केर भन्छौ, 'जोसुकै पनि सफा हुन सक्छ ।' विना पैसाको घर चलनको बारेमा म तिमीलाई बताउँछु । खानाको लागि म केटाकेटीलाई तरकारी अचार विनाको ढिंडो वा रोटी दिन्छु । यसो गर्दा धेरै भाँडा लाग्दैन । जति लाग्छ, त्यसलाई चीसो पानीमा साबुन विना नै धुन्छु । सस्तोभन्दा सस्तो साबुन पनि बच्चाको थाङना धुन जोगाउनुपर्छ । मेरा हातहरु हेर त – कति फुटेका र सुन्निएका छन् ! एकचोटि मैले २ महिनासम्म बचत गरें – मेरा हात र बच्चाको पासेको घाउमा लगाउन भ्यासलिनको बट्टा किन्न भनेर । चाहिनेजति जम्मा भएपछि किन्न जाँदा त्यसको भाउ ५० रुपियाँले बढिसकेछ । कान्छी र मैले सास्ती खेपिरह्यौं । मेरा फुटेका खस्रा हातहरु चीसो पानी र कडा साबुनमा डुबाउन सक्छु कि सक्दिन भनेर मैले दिनहुँ सोच्नुपर्छ । तर तिमी भन्छौ चीसो पानी नै किन ? इन्धनको पैसा लाग्छ । तिमीले दाउरा बाल्यौ भने पैसा चाहिन्छ । बिजुली बाल्यौ भने पैसा लाग्छ । तातो पानी विलास हो । मसँग विलास छैन । मलाई थाहा मेरो वास्तविक उमेर भनें भने तिमी तीनछक पर्छौ । म एकदमै बूढी देखिन्छु । लुगा धुने ठाउँमा दिनहुँ मेरो ढाड यति धेरै बांगिन्छ कि मैले कहिले अरु काम गरें सम्भि्कनै सक्दिन । प्रत्येक रात म मेरो स्कूले बच्चाको लुगाको हरेक दाग धुन्छु र आशा गर्छु उसका लुगाहरु बिहानसम्ममा सुक्नेछन् ।

अभाव भनेको चीसो ठण्डी रातमा आगो हेर्दै जागराम बस्नु हो – यो जानेर कि अखबारले छोपिएका भित्तामा एक झल्को पर्नु भनेको सुतिरहेका केटाकेटी धुवाँको मुस्लोमा जल्नु हो । गर्मी महिनामा अभाव भनेको बच्चा रुँदा झिंगाहरुले आँसु चाटिरहेको हेर्नु हो । झ्याल–ढोकाका जालीहरु च्यातिएका छन् र तिमी यति कम भाँडा तिर्छौ तिमीलाई थाहा छ त्यो कहिले बन्दैन । साङ्लाहरु तिम्रो खानेकुरामा, नाकमा, आँखाभित्र र सुत्दा तिमीमाथि घसि्रनु दरिद्री हो । गरिवी भनेको पानी कहिल्यै पर्दैन भनेर आशा गर्नु हो किनभने पानी पर्‍योभने थाङ्नाहरु सु्क्दैनन् र छिट्टै तिमी कागजहरु प्रयोग गर्न थाल्छौ । गरिवी भनेको तिम्रा बच्चाहरुलाई सधैं सिंगाने देख्नु हो । रुमालहरु किन्नुपर्छ र थोत्रा लुगाहरु तिमीलाई अरु नै कामको लागि चाहिन्छ। झनै धेरै महंगा त एन्टिवायोटिक औषधि हुन्छन् । अभाव भनेको विना खाना पकाउनु र विना साबुन सफा गर्नु हो ।

गरिबी सहयोग माग्नु हो । तिमीले त्यो सहयोग नपाउन्जेल तिम्रा केटाकेटीले दु:ख पाउँछन् भन्ने थाहा पाएर तिमीले कहिल्यै मद्दत माग्नुपरेको छ ? यदि तिमीलाई ऋण माग्नु नै एउटा मात्रै सहयोग माग्ने बाटो हो जस्तो लाग्छ भने आफन्तबाट ऋण लिएको सम्झ । त्यो बेला कस्तो अनुभव हुन्छ म तिमीलाई भन्छु । तिमीले जानुपर्ने अफिस कहाँ छ तिमी पत्ता लगाउँछौ । अनि त्यो ठाउँमा ४–५ चोटि फनफनी चक्कर मार्छौ । आफ्ना केटाकेटीलाई सम्झेर तिमी भित्र छिर्छौ । सबैजना अति व्यस्त छन् । अन्त्यमा, कोही बाहिर आउँछ र तिमी आफूलाई मद्दत चाहिएको कुरा बताउँछौ ।

त्यो कहिलेपनि तिमीले भेट्नुपर्ने व्यक्ति हुँदैन । तिमी अर्को मान्छेलाई गएर भेट्छौ, अनि आफ्नो दरिद्रताको भएभरको लाज सामुन्ने छताछुल्ल पारेर पोखाइसकेपछि बल्ल यो त ठीक अफिस नै रहेनछ भनेर थाहा पाउँछौ । तिमीले यो सम्पूर्ण प्रक्रिया फेरि दोहोर्‍याउनुपर्छ र अर्को ठाउँमा फेरि शुरु गर्न यो सजिलो हुँदैन ।

तिमीले मद्दत मागेका थियौ, आखिर यसको मूल्य त हुन्छ नै । तिमीलाइ फेरि पर्खाइन्छ । कारण किन पनिबताइन्छ तर लाजको रातो र उडिरहेको पीडाको कालो बादलले गर्दा तिमीले खासै सुन्दैनौ ।

अभाव सम्झना हो । राम्रा भनाउँदा केटाकेटीहरु मेरो लुगा र दुर्गन्धको बारेमा क्रुद्ध भएको हुँदा निम्न माध्यमिक तहमा स्कूल छोड्नुपर्दाको सम्झना हो । कार्यालय सहायक आयो । मेरी आमाले उसलाई म गर्भवती भएको बताइन् । वास्तवमा म थिइनँ तर उनले त्यसो गर्दा मैले कुनै जागिर पाइहाल्छु कि भन्ठानिन् । म जागिर खाँदै-छोड्दै गर्दै थिएँ तर केही सिक्न सक्ने गरी लामो समयसम्म भने कहिल्यै खाइनँ । म सबैभन्दा बढी म विवाहित भएको क्षण सम्झन्छु । त्यसबेला म भर्खरकी थिएँ । अझै पनि छु । कुनै वेला हामीसँग तिमीसँग भएका सबैकुरा थिए । तातो पानी र सबैथोक भएको एउटा सानो घर अर्को शहरमा थियो । त्यसपछि मेरो श्रीमान्को जागिर गयो । केही समयको लागि बेरोजगारी बीमा र मैले पाउनसक्ने खालका जागिर थिए । हाम्रा सबै सामानहरु छिट्टै नै फेरि हामीसँगै भए र हामी यहाँ फर्क्यौं । त्यतिबेला म गर्भवती थिएँ । हामी शुरुमा आउँदा यो घर यति नराम्रो थिएन । प्रत्येक हप्ता यो झन्झन् नराम्रो हुँदै जान्छ । कहिल्यै केही मर्मत हुँदैन । अबचाहिं हामीसँग पैसा थिएन । मेरा श्रीमानका लागि केही निम्नस्तरका काम थिए तर अहिले जस्तै त्यसबेला पनि खानामै सकिन्थ्यो । मलाई थाहा छैन हामी कसरी २–३ वर्षसम्म ३ जना बच्चाहरु साथमा लिएर बाँच्न सक्यौं तर सक्यौं । म तिमीलाई एउटा कुरा भन्छु, मेरो अन्तिम बच्चा जन्मिएपछि मैले सम्बन्ध तोडिदिएँ । सम्बन्ध राम्रो थियो तर के सधैं तिमीले बच्चाहरुलाई यो फोहोरमा हुर्काइरहन सक्छौ ? कुनै पनि परिवार नियोजनको साधनलाई कति पर्छ कहिल्यै तिमीले सोचेका छौ ? मेरो श्रीमानले छोडेर जाने दिन ऊ जाँदैछ भन्ने मलाई थाहा थियो तर हामीबीच कुनै विदाइ भएन । मलाई आशा छ ऊ यो भद्रगोलबाट कतै माथि उक्लिन सक्षम भयो होला । हामीले उसलाई तल खसाल्छौं भन्ने आशा उसले कहिल्यै गर्न सक्दैन ।

त्यही बेला हो मैले मद्दत मागेको । जब मैले पाएँ, त्यो कति थियो थाहा छ तिमीलाई ? हामी चारजनाको लागि महिनाको ३५०० रुपियाँ थियो र छ पनि । मैले पाउनसक्ने अब त्यति हो, त्यति । तिमीलाई सायद अब थाहा भयो किन यहाँ साबुन छैन, सीयो र धागो छैन, तातोपानी छैन, सिटामोल छैन, जुकाको औषधि छैन, क्रीम, स्याम्पू केही छैन । यीमध्ये कुनै पनि छैनन् सधैं नै, सदा सदाको लागि नै । तिमी राम्रोसँग देख्न सक्छौ घरभाँडाको लागि मैले सयौं तिर्नुपर्छ । बाँकी जति प्रायः सबै खानामा जान्छ । मकैको पीठो, उसिनेको चामल, दाल र डेरीको दूधमा । आफूले भ्याएसम्म थोरै विजुली प्रयोग गर्ने कोसिस गर्छु । फेरि धेरै गर्नाले खानाको लागि त्यति नै कम हुन्छ ।

दरिद्रता अँध्यारो भविष्यमा हेर्नु हो । तिम्रा बालबच्चाहरु मेरा केटाकेटीसँग खेल्दैनन् । उनीहरु, आफूलाई चाहिने कुरा चोर्ने खालका केटाकेटीहरुतिर हेर्छन् । म अहिले नै उनीहरुलाई मेरो गरिवीको वारको साटो उनीहरुको जेलको वारपछाडि देखिरहेको छु । अथवा उनीहरु रक्सी र ड्रग्सको स्वतन्त्रतातिर फर्कनेछन् र आफूलाई अधीनस्थ पाउनेछन् । अनि मेरी छोरी ? आशा गरौं उनको लागि पनि पुरुषको झैं जीवन रहेको छ । तर तिमी मलाई स्कूलहरु छँदैछन् नि भन्छौ । हो, स्कूलहरु छन् । मेरा केटाकेटीहरुसँग अरु किताब, पत्रिका, पेन्सिल, रंगीविरंगी कलम र कागज छैनन् । र सबैभन्दा मुख्य कुरा, उनीहरुसँग स्वास्थ्य छैन । उनीहरुसँ कीटाणु छन्, उनीहरुसँग घाउ छन् , गर्मी महिनाभरि उनीहरुसँग पाकेका आँखा हुन्छन् । उनीहरु भुईंमा राम्ररी सुत्दैनन् न त मेरो खाटमा मसँग नै । उनीहरु भोकले ग्रस्त हुँदैनन् । मेरो रु. ३५०० ले हामीलाई बचाउँछ । तर उनीहरु कुपोषणबाट पीडित छन् । अँ साच्चि, स्कूलमा स्वास्थ्यको बारेमा पढाइएको म सम्झन्छु । यसले त्यति राम्रो भने गर्दैन । कुनै कुनै ठाउँमा स्वास्थ्य कार्यक्रम हुन्छन्, यहाँ हुँदैनन् । जिल्ला प्रमुखले यो धेरै खर्चिलो हुने बताए । स्कूल खाजा कार्यक्रम पनि हुन्छ । तर मेरा दुई छोरा छन् जो स्कूल पुगुन्जेलसम्ममा विग्रिसकेका हुनेछन् ।

तर तिमी मलाई स्वास्थ्य संस्थाहरु छन् नि भन्छौ । हो, धेरै स्वास्थ्य संस्थाहरु छन् र ती शहरमा छन् । म यहाँ शहरभन्दा २० कि.मि. टाढा बस्छु । त्यति हिंड्न त म सक्छु (आउँदाजाँदा ४० कि.मि. नै भए पनि) तर मेरा स–साना केटाकेटीले सक्लान् ? मेरो छिमेकीले ऊ जाँदा मलाई लैजन त लैजान्छ, तर उसले केही पाउने आश गर्छ, जस्तोसुकै तरिकाले किन नहोस् । म विश्वस्त छु तिमीले मेरो छिमेकीलाई चिनेका छौ। ऊ त्यो भद्दा मान्छे हो जो चिया दोकान, हजाम, कुनाको खुद्रा पसल आदिमा अवैध केटाकेटीका पतित आमाहरुमाथि सरकारले पैसा खर्च गरेकोबारे गुनासो गर्दै आफ्नो समय विताउँछ ।

अभाव एसिडको थोपो हो जुन आफ्नो भएभरको स्वाभिमान नगुमेसम्म त्यसमा झरिरहन्छ । अभाव एउटा करौंती हो जसले आफ्नो भएभरको सम्मान नहराएसम्म त्यसमा रेटिरहन्छ । तिमीहरुमध्ये कसैले मेरोजस्तो अवस्थामा आफू भए केही गर्थ्यौं भन्छौ र र पहिलो हप्ता वा पहिलो महिनाको लागि सायद गर्थ्यौ पनि तर एकपछि अनि फेरि अर्को वर्षको लागि चाहिं ?

सपना देख्न गरिवले पनि सक्छन् । त्यो समयको सपना जब पैसा हुन्छ । पैसा, पोषिलो खानेकुराको लागि, रोगको औषधिको लागि, भिटामिनको लागि, दाँत माझ्ने बुरुषको लागि, क्रीमको लागि, हतौडा र कीलाहरु र अलिकति जचाउनको लागि, स्यावेलको लागि, रंगरोगनको लागि, बँसाइसराइको लागि, सीयो धागोको लागि । पैसा पैंचो तिर्नको लागि, पैसा शहरसम्म जानको लागि । अनि साँच्चि, तातोपानीको लागि, अनि साबुनको लागि पैसा । एउटा सपना जब मद्दत माग्नाले स्वाभिमानको अन्तिम बिन्दु गुम्दैन । जब तिमी जाने अफिस अरु सरकारी अफिसहरुजत्तिकै राम्रो हुन्छ, जब तिमीलाई छिट्टै सहयोग गर्ने थुपै्र हातहरु हुन्छन्, जब उनीहरुले पराजय र पीडाको घडीमा साथ छोड्दैनन् । जब तिमीले आफ्नो कथा एकजनालाई मात्र सुनाए पुग्छ, र त्यो व्यक्तिले तिमीलाई अरु सहयोग गर्न सक्छ अनि तिमीले आफ्नो दरिद्रता बारम्बार प्रमाणित गरिरहनु पर्दैन ।

तिमीलाई यी सब कुरा भन्न म मेरो पीडाबाट बाहिर आएको छु । अर्कै ठाउँ र अर्कै समयबाट म आएको हैन, सम्झिराख । मजस्ता अरुहरु सबै तिम्रै वरिपरि छन् । हामीलाई क्रोधित मुटुले हेर, त्यो क्रोध जसले मलाई मद्दत गर्न तिमीलाई उत्प्रेरणा दिन्छ । त्यो क्रोध जसले तिमीलाई मेरो बारेमा भन्न लगाउँछ । गरीबहरु सधैं शान्त हुन्छन् । के तिमी पनि शान्त रहन सक्छौ ?

Writer: Jo Goodwin Parker

MARRY ? NO...NO

Marriage! What a word! What a sensation! Who is not pleased to hear it? We brighten up sparkling our eyes with pleasing thoughts in the mind. The children are excited; young ones blush, the experienced ones are delighted to cherish the memory. What is this very word then? Is it really that pleasurable? Of course, it is. However, what I would like to add here is yes, marriage is a pleasure, but, temporary. How? I am here to show.

The very topic 'marriage' has never been considered seriously. It is, of course, a great concern of everybody's life and a big caution is taken on taking decisions, whom to choose a partner for one's life. However, it's not sufficient. A lot is needed to be thought upon it before we move ahead.

We believe marriage is compulsory as it is a natural process and those who challenge nature encounter disaster. But we never care the effects and the misery it has been creating for us. If you want to care it now, have a slight glimpse at it. Proceed further. If not, don't waste your precious time on these useless details.

Take a close look at the world holding us. How is she able to carry such an overload? The world is overpopulated. Crowds and crowds everywhere we go. While walking from home or office or from any other places, look how many heads we see on the way. Where do they all come from? Many don't get enough; neither food and shelter nor any good to wear. Half the world is crying in despair. What for? For their desires unfulfilled, for their shattered hopes, for their dreams turning out false. Earth has become feeble. Now she is old. It is our time to support her now. How can we get ready to produce new babies to deteriorate the present situation and do ill to our Earth by marrying? Let's consider this truth.

Have you seen the married couples complaining most of the time about their partners? Obviously, you have, I know. They are so busy criticizing them they forget they are revealing all the secrets of their conjugal life to other people and get aware of this when it's too late. Also, since it is a matter of relationship, it is most of the time almost impossible to live one's life according to one's will. Dominance is the key factor which ruins this bond. This domination causes both to live in artificial manner. Life is pretended. Individual freedom is not granted. We become puppets. So how can a mere puppet life be worthy? Is not our life to live for ourselves?

We live in reality. A Utopia is limited only in the pages of dictionary. Even if it has been used, it is for the imaginative litterateurs and again the very word gets stuck in the pages of books. Since there is not a thing called 'perfection' in our life, so is the relationship. There can never be a perfect harmony in this bond which many of us expect. All the relations are based on reality and a conjugal relationship is even more contaminated by this factor. So the relationship becomes like that of 2 enemies. However, it is the least important factor of this essay.

Let's analyse ourselves. What are we? We are human beings, so called the highest animals. Are we? I doubt. We claim we are perfect. 'I'm the best and the cleverest'-This is our claim. All of us say that. We have to. Otherwise, we would gain inferiority. But, observing closely, have we attained the perfection qualities? Look at the shameful deeds we have done. How many times a day we lie to ourselves? Uncountable. What are we in real? A hollow; shallow flesh, bone, and blood. That's it. A complete hypocrite. We have inherited all the qualities biologically from our parents, through genes. So how can we claim we will create a good human, a pure human and make it perfect in every sense? What we never could become all our life, can we merely claim to provide it to our offspring? Aren't we cheating ourselves and them, who are not even born? What right we have to do so? It is a sin. Let's not commit it knowingly. We are incapable of raising people, biologically as well as psychologically.

At the end, the essay aims not at going against the institution of marriage, the age-old tradition, but to make you think twice before you take any steps for it. This might help create the world a better place to live in as we already are conscious of the marital effects. And maybe a temporary pleasure will turn out to be a constant pleasure until we live and let others live.