When we have no time

What can be more humorous than knowing of no time to write, to write something prepared before maybe about 5-6 years ago. Look at the modern man. How pitiable!

Got so engrossed in life affairs that could do nothing except jot down the titles (thanks god, still have them safe). Was thinking to write something on it when had free time. But this time never came in all these years. How funny!

So at last, decided to make it a whole package and bring it to an end and got now the chance. In fact, it was suggested by one of my friends. Since life is moving rapidly, might have no time even for this tomorrow. Who knows ? Pending stuffs need not pend too long.

Well, “The topics to write on” begins with ‘Deprivation.’ Then continues with, A Decade after SLC, A Decade without Baba, I have a Card (Nepali version), An Abandoned House, Living with Idiots, When you are Born to Eat and Sleep, Passivity Kills, Silent World, Education Today. However, got a few time to finish up “A Decade after SLC”, “A Decade without baba” and “Education Today.”

The list goes on further-“A Place where People end up Becoming a Lunatic”, A Love, an Affair, Living in the Hedonistic and Sadistic Realities, Living in the Seclusion, To be or Not to be, Yes Culture or No Culture, Sandwiched in Between 2 Gods, A No-Culture Society, When we Rise in Love, Monologue of a Lady (Cultural Crisis), and When we have No Time. Among them, few of them like When we Rise in Love, Monologue…, When…Time, were somewhat sort of started but were never expanded more than a paragraph. Never grew the ideas. So, decided to make all of them a single piece of work.

In this way, no wonder what the whole piece looks like, the pending work is no long pending and it is a great relief to know that.

13 Kartik, 2065

It's All About Love...

2060/03/06
Suppression

Is this punishment of your love?
Feeling so weak
Nearly crumbling into pieces
All my muscles, tendons
The whole body is shivering
So quiet everything here is
They are so still
and are therefore moving
I feel dizzy

All symptoms appear in me
Nausea, Fatigue, Lethargy
So confused I am
What shall I do?
Seems we are not made to depart
as we always thought
Otherwise, why would everything go so perplexed?
Seems we are made to be together forever

2060/01/04
About You

I love to wake you up
in the morning
and call you for the meal
You wash your face
then soon get ready for it.
I serve you your dish
at the table
right in front of which
mine is set.

You enjoy and relish each of them silently
I observe and love your style
Never a complain, never a stare
Always a smile upon your face
I forget to have mine
When I see your smile
I desire for that face
to look at it forever
in the same way.

After a while, you stand up
and go away
taking a part of me
along with you
I remain alone the whole day
recalling the shared moments
You return in the evening
and I open the door
Your bright smile flashes upon me
making my evening much more
The smile reflects upon you
and the conversation is over

The face glowing like the sun
makes me warm and light
In your presence
A second's spared moment
makes my whole day
Teach me your style
I want to be you
Keep smiling to the ones
you come across
A flash of your lips means
a lot to them.

2059/11/18
A Decade Without Baba

Baba! Such a dear and lovely name
Neither you wished money nor fame
Indifferent to the ways of the game
But, alas, you got nothing but lame.

So much changes have come Baba
Since you have left the world
Living without you is like
Walking on the sword.

Life is no longer sweet Baba
like the way we once had
It's never going to be same again
'coz we have lost our dear dad.

Aren't you ever going to return?
Where were you? Where are you?
Shall I never see you again?
How am I to spend my life without you?

Getting nostalgic, going to a decade ago
I find peace and confidence in my heart
Facing the reality of never seeing you again
I live in the memories of the past.

Baba, wherever you are
I'm still the same... ... ....

2060/01/04
To The Unborn Child

There you stay comfortably
within your mama's womb
enjoying the warmth of her
a cutie little dumb.

Waiting for a special day
to be born months after
hoping for some reasons, good
that you will become later.

But had you only known
the world here present
What will become of you?
You'd remain unborn and resent.

I feel sorry for you
from the depth of my heart
Can't you remain unborn?
and prevent the new start?

2059/07/09
FRENS

Born somewhere distant
Become so near
Developing trust within
No need to fear

Indifferent when happy
Encouraging when depressed
Helping when troubled
Sharing when repressed.

Getting together for years
Until the change
Keeping in touch
Without any revenge.

2059/07/09
What happened?

When she met him
And he met her first
In a crowded room,
What happened?
None of them remember
the actual conversation now.

As time passed, they turned out
to be friends.
To her it was unknown that
in her presence
He was always present.
Sometimes even as opponents
both wound stand.
But every time, he won, she lost.

She admired him for his friendliness
For his Intelligence
For his Patience
For his Clarity
And she knew he did not hate her
'coz he was indifferent.
But then what happened?

Suddenly, they were together
Nobody forced, it happened
What happened?
She always remembered him
She was pleased to talk with,
about him and even to think
A feeling of oneness
much more than words can say
The seed was sowed.
It germinated.
A green plant, so lovely.

But what happened?
Leaves turned pale and fell
Starting from the peak
to the bottom
The whole plant died.
Only the seed remained.

The seed is still in there... ... ....

Message

I write it
to make you know.
I tear it
to hide from others.

I think about you
but suddenly stop
preventing others from knowing
some changes in me have come.

I want to throw you away
but you are fixed within me.
I look into my body to know your presence
but you are there in each cells.

Suddenly I find it
impossible to forget you
Then comes another feeling
why should I do ?

I've decided to remember you
not knowing any other way.
Throwing myself in a false hope
of getting together some new day.
So I write it to make it know.
Again I tear it to hide from others.

Such secret is my love.

September 7, 2008
1)
Your proving me ugly-
A reason strong enough
to prove you best.

Seems you are too good-
What a foolishness
fancying togetherness!

Had the pain been mild
things would seem much easy.
It’s true people say
there is no love without tragedy.

2)
When the mind stops working
And the heart is still
That’s the moment
I remember you the most.

Written words of power
More so than the speech
Sometimes become the only medium
For the repressed expression.

Mind getting clearer
With the flowing of words
Let them flow into you as well
Though not transforming
At least make you recognize my self.

STORM-A ROSE

“Oh, my love is like a red, red rose”-the teacher suddenly stated. It brought back her distracted mind. He was teaching about Robert Burns. Again, she got preoccupied and started imagining-if only I had love like that…my love differs from that, it is too special…love is not that easily symbolized through rose…, and so on. Actually, she thinks too much and that also through all her dreamy ways, not letting out any of her benefits. The teacher was going on with Burns’ life and she with her own, a life created in her fantasy. He finishes the lecture and she was bound to finish her dreams, as the bell suddenly rang.

By stating all these, we get a certain glimpse that she has something going on. Not something considered as good, rather the opposite. Talking about her personal life, it can’t be said to be tragic one. She was neither friendless nor unhappy. There were plenty of them, most of them having the thought “A friend in need is a friend indeed.” And her family members loved her so much that she always felt she was one of the blessed ones. As a child, she was brought up quite well. A lot of friends to enjoy with, a good education in a convent, a firm family support, and the things children love to do, all were granted to her.

Slowly and gradually, as time passed by, she grew up. Then there stood a young sophisticated lady with a good education, good figure, and a kind-hearted soul. She was a blooming rose. Ah! A blooming rose! How pleasant to look at! And moreover, a rose in the blow of the gentle wind spreading its fragrance allover. How pleasing a thought! Unexpectedly, what if the wind suddenly turned out to be harsh on the naive rose and become totally destructive?

As it is often said, falling in love is the best part of one’s life, we are all lured towards it. And therefore, she was not an exception. She fell in love. And with whom? A lunatic. As a lady with brains she was, being aware of how people would react to this, before anyone doubted of her love, she killed her love. Actually, she killed herself. And, this she did with a great effort. So the new blooming love got suppressed. Ah! “The suppression”! If only she knew what it meant. She believed “True love ends in tragedy.” So, in a way, she wanted to make her love true.

We have heard people saying sufferings don’t come alone, they come in pairs. It seems true most of the time in our experiences. Same was the case with her. The circumstances turned out in such a way that it aggravated her current situation immersing her completely into the ponds of griefs, sorrows, and misery. She was fired from the job, her father turned alcoholic, and her friends kept distance with her. At the same time, her best friend died in an accident. Moreover, she was missing the family support. All these were contributing factors to her seclusion for a whole year.

Those days passed with a repeated question in her mind “Why does it always rain on me? It was never answered anyway. Tears had become her friends and they gave her company whenever she required. Crying and weeping for hours and hours had become a routine until finally realizing no more tears were left to shed. However, she never blamed or complained about anything. It was the time she most required a support, but what a dilemma, there were none even to communicate with.

Men are selfish by nature. During her bad days, none dared to help her unconditionally. However, life had to carry on. Finding no way out, only the way ahead was a way towards spirituality. She had faith in God and believed he will show a right path. So, she blindly followed him like a faithful child. This brought the transformation into her whole personality and changed her into a different individual. Then adjustment in the society became hard for her. She had lost many things due to the shock and it took her years to recover the real self. However, she never healed completely.

At present, she is a well-known figure in the society, a renowned celebrity. She believes that whatever happened to her, it was for good. She neither has regrets nor complaints. A woman of appreciation who has so much to do for herself, for the nation, and for the whole mankind-she is on the way towards humanity. How could she come this far without the miseries? She was gifted with the sorrows of love and her sufferings taught what life meant. So, life blooms with sorrows as the heart blooms with Rose.

DUMPSTER

Date: 03/16/2005
Dumpster
Dumpster Representatives
Nepal

To,
The Human Beings
Nepal
Subject: Listen to Me!

Dear People,
Thank you for allowing me the opportunity to express myself। I’m a dumpster. I’m speaking on behalf of all the dumpsters of our country. I’ll be pouring out myself and sharing my experiences with you today.

I’ve many friends-garbage, flies, mosquitoes, waste products and many more। I live and play with them most of the time. But one thing is for sure-I keep on making new friends. I don’t have best friends, neither something like oldest friends. My friends keep varying with times. Sometimes, the old ones come to visit me when I’m surrounded by plenty of friends. Really, I enjoy so much then.

But often I find myself miserable। One of the reasons that makes me such is the grabbing away of my friends and making me remain all alone. Whenever I am fully filled up, somebody comes and snatches all my dear ones making me miserable. Poor me! I’ve to wait then for the time being for a new friend to come.

Besides this, I’ve other complaint as well। It is all because of me people are healthy and fine. The wastage they throw in me make them sick if not thrown away. But what do they do when they look at me? They shrink their nose and spit by my side. This just irritates me. Not only it’s me who is badly looked upon. Even my friends have been ill-treated. I once heard a saying by a great man-“Tell me who your friends are and I will say who you are.” Maybe it is through this saying humans have created a perception towards us. But, you need to thank us for making your environment clean.

While talking about my company, it’s not only friends that I have। I’m bound to face my enemies as well. Plastics, irons, crumbled glasses, decayed wastages all make me overloaded. Sometimes, I start pouring out also. These all can be utilized by people if they have a desire. I need not explain how. So, think over it.

During my lifetime, I’ve come over some moments when I was provided humans as friends। You must be getting confused. Well, there were some new born babies provided to me, whether left to decay or for somebody to notice them I don’t know. However, I wonder at their cruel mothers. Oh, heartless mothers ! I’ve nothing more to say for them.

Now I would like to make you clear that there are positive aspects of me as well which you surely can find on your keen observation towards me। If you don’t possess that power, I’ll let you know. You better listen. It is because of me your environment is clean. No doubt about it. My friends also help a lot in that matter. some animals don’t have enough to eat. We are good providers for them, especially the dogs. The other quality that we possess is our big size. So, there is no need for you to worry on where to store the waste materials. You can use small utensils whatever you feel convenient for you to store for the time being and then later transfer them into me. You can use me daily. Through this, I help you economically as well. I would like to further add that we play a role in helping our nation also. People work as employers and earn some money too. Unemployment really seems a big problem these days. Besides all these, I play a very important part in preventing the environment pollution. Just imagine a day without me. Where are you to throw the wastages? Garbage and garbage everywhere ! Life will be horrible for you.

At last, what I would like to say is each and every object present in the world has value and importance in its own way. We all should be performing our duty when required. I, as a dumpster, have been trying to help you in whatever the way I can. Really speaking, I am not a pleasant thing to look upon. But as it is said “Beauty lies in the eyes of a beholder,” let’s learn to appreciate at times. It is my most humble request to you.
Thank you for having patience to listen to me. I hope to hearing from you soon in the future.

Wishing for the betterment of a nation,

Yours faithfully,

A Dumpster

WOH KAGAZKI KASTI, WOH BAARISHKA PANI **

“I am Cinderella . I am Siddhartha Gautam. I am Shrawan Kumar. I am the beautiful princess waiting patiently for a Prince Charming to come, and holding my hand, lifting me onto his horse, then ride me along with him to his wonderful palace.” Such silly thoughts ! All those dreamy days!

Once in a lifetime, all of us go through similar situation. It shapes our mentality, gives hint of what we are becoming in the near future according to the models we choose. Talking about her in particular, this very thing has both good and bad effect upon her. Let’s say about 50/50. To some extent, the effects will be shared through these pages.

After knowing the abovementioned figures, acting like them became a habit. Fascinated by their virtues, it was impossible to act otherwise. The innocence of Cinderella, kindness of Siddhartha, the obedience of Shrawan Kumar, and the beauty and charm of prince, princess, fairies, they all aroused that tiny heart. The heart followed them without any questions of doubt. “They are greatly admired and we will be the same only if we become like them.” This was the way thoughts developed.
As she started growing up, she kept following all her ideals as much as possible. Whatever she learnt from what she came across, she would pick up the good qualities from them and always behave accordingly because she had been taught to do so. But at the later period of life, too many confusions arose because of this. The little girl had become a young lady. Because of the confusions, she had a lot of questions in her mind. It took her years to get the answers, and not that easily. However, she is now a mature balanced personality and is provided with answers for most of the questions.

Let’s not digress much. To make it rather clear, applying those gained knowledge to the practical world became unrealistic. People laughed at her. She was made a mockery of her attitude. Poor lady! Totally in a dilemma and confused with everything. The result then was frustration. It took her a long time to know whatever we read is just for reading and in practical life, we are to act in totally a different way than what we are taught so far.

However, the reading habit of her childhood helped later greatly. She was imaginative and always a good scholar. She was liked by friends and teachers for what she was. Moreover, she possessed humanity. She cared for human values and so she had empathy for whosoever came in contact with her. This gradually expanded the horizon of company around her. She never hurt anyone knowingly. This resulted in maturation of the immature age. Because of her good learning, she acquired a number of skills. Whether talking about writing, increasing vocabulary, knowing things, or gaining confidence, her knowledge always helped. Wherever she went, success and appreciation followed her because of her efficiency and life became meaningful in all respects.

To sum up, childhood days, no doubt, are the golden days which tempt us to rewind it if only that was in our power. Such a carefree life ! No bonds, no stresses to worry about. That moment has to be lived to full. Eat, drink, and be merry and make each minute worthy –this needs to be the motto of anyone’s childhood. Whatever the skills learnt, they are certainly going to help us in the future. If not so, at least we can fill the pages and feel nostalgic as the way I have done. O sweet memories!!
Woh kasti, woh pani……….

** it is one of Jagjit Singh’s ghazals related to childhood days

Men’s Day

“Men are not worth being celebrated.”

You are today what you are because of her. It was she who held your hand, guided you the right path never letting you fall. She is your mother, your wife, your daughter, your sister and even more. She shines allover and radiates herself to the whole mankind. Her beauty and admiration have always been appreciated. She is full of life, activity and what not. So what is the harm in admiring her for one full day for the role she has played for the mankind ?

However, you must be thinking if she has been celebrated internationally, why not we ? After all, we also play a great role in our own way. It is very obvious to think that. but let me remind you something. Do compare once the role you and the lady closest to you plays. Got the difference ? In quantity or quality? Who do you think is worth celebration? I may sound highly feministic, but the truth is always bitter. It is often said so but that is the truth.

Furthermore, she is physically weak naturally. No matter how much she claims that she is equal to men, there always is a limit for her. But look at her overloads. She has to look after all the household works before she is married. And she has to cope with the new environment however it is after the marriage, whether it be a love marriage or an arranged one. Not to mention about the loads after marriage as a wife, daughter-in-law, mother and many more. In today’s context, there might also be some women unwilling to adjust in the marital bond and finally get divorced. However, the ultimate result is always a disaster, a destruction of a society. So, she has the sole responsibility of making her society a heaven or a hell. Where are the men in this issue ? Far behind.

In the 21st century today, it has become much more difficult for her. She has got to compete with men and become successful. As women are being educated, they are aware of their rights. This might even make them revolutionaries. These days, we can see the tendency of women willing to remain unmarried and independent. They don’t want to surrender themselves under the male dominance unlike the old generation. Neither can they tolerate the imposition of machismo. If this trend of women continues, what would become of the future yet to come? Even the ecological balance would get affected and tomorrow’s world may end in chaos.

To conclude with, “Men’s Day” is not a bad thing to be initiated. Rather it is a must today as we claim ourselves to be egalitarians. But before moving any further, what needs to be understood is “Men should make themselves worth celebration.” They should give up their wrongs, misdeeds, male chauvinism and machismo and try to walk together with women holding hands. After all, human life is a product of a man and a woman. For a perfect harmony, both need to be balanced proportionately. So men, if you really want a day for your celebration, at least you have got to make yourself deserve it.

Suppression

Suppression! These days a well known term. Actually related to psychological area and might even result in various abnormalities. We can see many examples in our surroundings. But why has it become so common? We are going to seek causes and find solutions as we move ahead.

The world is moving faster day per day. It is becoming more competitive. People have no time; no time for anything, whether to eat, sleep or enjoy. They just work , work and work trying to make themselves efficient. Because one needs to do so to sustain ate the present. Darwin’s theory “Survival of the fittest” truly fits in today’s context. If we want to live being a winner, we must labor hard but if we don’t, our failure is right before us. So everybody is busy thinking about themselves. Importance of time has been increased much more for people now. They have lot many things to do in short time. They hardly have time for others. As a result, suppression is increasing in people resulting in mental disturbances. Most of us are not aware of it when it happens. We just continue suppressing ourselves but once we become unusual, life becomes horrible. We then are totally unable to get the hold of it.

Life is such we can’t do everything we want. We can’t be completely driven only by our id. Suppressing is directly related to our unconscious mind. We have desires and wishes, all of which can’t be fulfilled. So it gets suppressed. But suppressing things does not kill those desires completely. They remain there in our mind throughout our life, but in hidden form. We just are not able to know these suppressed desires in the conscious state because they remain in the unconscious level.

By the way, whether talking about whether suppression is good or bad, we need to know in what context it has taken place. It is good at times when the desires are unusual. In contrast, if the desires are normal but can’t be fulfilled, they are bound to be suppressed. The suppression leads to mental complexities. And if this increases even more, then it will soon turn out to be disastrous also. If we suppress our emotions and desires on one occasion, it naturally emerges out at the other moment. If might happen even without our knowing. It is good to suppress our extreme antisocial desires because we are humans and are termed as rational beings. We rank ourselves superior to animals because of the quality of self-control that we possess and also we can distinguish what needs to be done and what deserted. We live in a society and so we have to respect and follow its norms. To remain in a society and live life to full, there is questioning of following its principles. But everything has a limit.

Can we prevent ourselves from falling into a prey of mental conflict due to suppression? Surely we can. Some methods according to psychologists are self-analyzation, communication, interaction, expressing ourselves. The best and the easiest way referred by psychologists today is communication. Things happening to us needs to be expressed to somebody. Then only we get the calmness. We might also say “Why to share with others when they neither understand nor believe to what I say?” and remain just quiet all the time. This is the mistake we make. It is obvious to have such feelings but what we need to know is to find somebody who is there to listen to our griefs and sorrows is a great chance to release ourselves. We all are humans and have heart. In our lifetime, we come across same phases that others have gone through or will be going soon. Though the experiences are somewhat different with all of us, there lies similarities to some extent. So people can feel what we are going through if we share ourselves with them. And this process of sharing makes us relaxed.

On the whole, though suppressing emotions and feelings is becoming the way of our life, we can prevent ourselves from any ill happenings we get by overdoing it. There are different ways to release ourselves; however, the best one is to express us before others. We have so many people who care for us. But, we fail to see them at times. It is very difficult to find someone amidst this hectic life schedule who listens to what we say. So, what are we waiting for ? Let’s express emptying ourselves feeling free of any bad happenings that might occur after sharing things. Let’s learn to trust sometimes. Sharing is always better than ending our life exploding our head. Let’s move ahead. Somebody is waiting for us.