London Zoo

LONDON ZOO

November 12, 2012

It was on 22^nd September, 2012. After having a heavy breakfast at 8 a.m., we got ready and headed towards the train station. Reached Hounslow at 11:30 a.m., got our one-day travel card worth 8.50 pounds and proceeded for London Waterloo.

While on the train, we changed the plan and got off at Vauxhall. Took a bus to Camden town and popped into M&S to grab some snacks on getting off. After walking for about 20 minutes, we reached London zoo (ZSL).

Right behind the main door stood a photographer who clicked every visitor’s picture on the way to queue.  It could be later collected after our zoo observation had finished. We three clicked ourselves together thinking it was just a formality.

As expected, the queue was quite long on a warm sunny Saturday (6/7 rows of around 10 people/row). However, we reached the front after around 5-10 minutes. Traveling through Southwest trains made us pay 46 pounds (buy 1 get 1 free) in discount.

Excited as we were, gorilla was the first thing to look at. Reptiles were the next. There was information that Harry Potter film scene while Harry talked to the snakes was shot in that place. There were scary vipers, pythons, boa etc.

We walked around and took snacks. I found the London zoo quite similar to the zoo in Nepal in terms of the way animals were kept. It is just that the former has covered a big area of space and is clean and well managed.

Moving towards the penguin beach area, we found more crowd and children there. Perhaps because of the blessing warm sunlight on the very day. We clicked pictures of the man-made blue sea. Some penguins stood on land; some were swimming and some were being fed by the zoo staffs. The distance between the glass bars and visitors was close enough to make the birds and humans feel each other and feel nature. It looked lovely. We were reminded of Happy Feet and The March of Penguins movies and were chatting about how they leave impact upon us. We relaxed and watched penguins swim, from the wide staircase beside the pool. Felt blessed.

It was time to watch other animals. Lioness and her babies were sleeping and resting on the rock. On the way, we passed through the tiger area. There also was an insect’s area which was a bit suffocating place and could not watch much. However, the exhibition of big red ants eating leaves and breaking them into tiny pieces was worth watching.

Walking our way, we reached to kids’ area made by kids. There were meerkats on this section. They looked awesome, especially when one of them stood on the top of the rock (believed to guard their community from danger). Monkeys’ area had notices to remain extra cautious as there were no cages and seemed a natural habitat. They were walking on the way and swinging on the trees. Some were even climbing on us. But they were small.

We came across an area which looked like hills. There were ostrich-like birds and other small animals. Some were seen at the top of the hill. Right where we were standing was a closed restaurant mentioning it was used for ceremonies.

Then we moved towards giraffe section. They looked awesome. We never had a close-up view of them. There were three of them. One was being fed the tree branches. We were excited to see it eat. In fact, the crowd was excited too. Everyone wanted to click themselves with it. We found its eyes lovely (looked like big black kajal eyes). Going past the few reindeers, we then walked through the rainforest. 

African rainforest felt dark, damp, high in humidity and dense. Monkeys and other animals along with big trees were seen. We appreciated the creation of effect (felt a moment of being in African forests). Interestingly, there was an animal which hung itself on the iron rod of the walls and crawled around. However, it became scary when it came below us. I was certain of its attack but, to my relief, it seemed cool and continued its way. We moved out.

Next thing was to walk through the woodland. It was meant to resemble African forest once more. The way was covered with tiny wood pieces. On the way was meerkat again and seal-like animals. The latter grabbed attention of many people because they were in a group and made unique sounds. Heaping over each other, they kept falling down which looked so innocent. It was as if they were having a group photo and all wanted being clicked. We clicked them.

The last section to observe was aquarium. We browsed through the place as we were running out of time. We hurriedly finished our lunch and exited the observation. Since we began our journey around the midday, we could not watch birds’ area. On the way to the exit door, we could see the crowd looking at their pictures taken earlier. We searched ours too. Found it came in a pack. How tempting!!! We paid 20 pounds for our pictures with background of varieties of animals. Had a happy day.

AN EVENING ON KAARTIK NAACH

September 2009

After having a few conflicts on whether or not to be in the crowd, I decided for it at the last hour. Four of us walked at around 7:30 p.m. from Balkumari and reached Mangal bazaar by 8 p.m. Headed straight towards Ruku’s home and the very first thing we did was playing cards. I was the loser.

I had a Tuesday fasting. Although had enough boiled potatoes for lunch, drank a nice cup of tea made by Ruku’s mom. The others enjoyed dal, bhat, paun of lapsi and gundruk. I missed them.

After the dinner, we went to Mangal bazaar Dabali with our team and Ruku’s brother at about 9 p.m. The quiet streets with many people heading to our destination seemed too safe, too familiar, in the pole lights. By the time we reached there, we could see no empty spaces for us to watch and see the Naach. With great effort, we reached near the front rows and watched for some time.

The fire and smokes were seen on the stage and Hiranyakashyapa, demon, in his beautiful attire and ornaments began to dance. Prahlada and Sukracharya appeared on the stage. God Narasimha appeared and danced as well. Other characters followed later.

The pillar broke open and Narasimha was seen in it, proving the existence of God everywhere. Then the fight between the demon and God began. Traditional musical instruments accompanied the dance on the stage. The fight went on for a good amount of time arousing curiosity in the audience every now and then. After a while, the demon fainted on the stroke of God and was taken to an open space behind the temple to bring him to consciousness.

On the stage, Narasimha was raging and shaking sitting on his throne. After some time, he calmed and started dancing. Then he was taken to the Patan museum surrounded by bodyguards. Fairies were dancing on the stage. The Kaartik Naach ended at about 12 p.m.

We enjoyed the event and returned in the midnight with Ruku’s father.  Had boiled sakharkhandas at her place and a nice sleep.

Although we had a horrible time watching the drama in the crowd due to poor management, it was indeed a great first experience. Being not able to watch the striking part was an unhappy thing. But I hope to see this traditional Nepali drama again in the coming years. 

EASTBOURNE SEA SIDE

20th September, 2012

Travelling is always a fun. Looking forward to enjoying on the sea side on a sunny day seemed a pleasure. Moreover, when there are close friends to give company, what more could one ask for. So, we decided to head towards Eastbourne beach on a bright warm day.

 

It was on 31^st August 2012. We carried koseli for friends and left home after breakfast at 8:20 a.m. Koseli contained fresh green spinach. Catching the 8:47 a.m. train from Hounslow towards Clapham Junction, we reached there at 9:15 a.m. Got on the Southern train heading Eastbourne at 9:53 a.m. in one of the front 4 coaches (since the other coaches separated later on) but were puzzled not to find any seat number. The train staff later told we could stay on any of the seats.

 

Three of us were in a good mood until we came across the breaking news of foreign students in one university banned from being admitted any more. Most of our conversation was on this topic which also made the other passenger next to us join us. She was friendly and, after a while, got off few stops before us.

 

Enjoying the landscapes, we were approaching Eastbourne. Scenery was similar to the UK trips I had made so far-the green grasslands, uniform wheat fields, packed straw and grazing cattle. As soon as we got off at Eastbourne train station at 11:30 a.m., we felt a bit chilly. The cool sea breeze shivered us but we were soon with our friends.

 

Eastbourne city looked quiet and clean and with less foreign people and more elderly people. This seemed to be due to warm climate of the place compared to other UK locations.

 

We reached our friend’s place and unloaded the stuffs.  Had tea and biscuits followed by a heavy breakfast- chiura, masu, tarkari and achar. After a while, we hired a taxi and headed to Sovereign Tower. Fish and chips smelt everywhere near the bank. Watery mouth and resisting the smell, we headed for a 30-minute Harbour boat trip and got into a boat enough to load around 15 people. It was exciting and pleasant. Lighthouses and boats were visible in the distant. We received from the boatman information about cosy and well-to-do holiday houses along the bank. We soon knew that their sale price was in millions. We also got general information about other boats and the surroundings. Getting off seemed peaceful after a half-an-hour tour. Soon after, we reached home in a taxi.

 

After packing picnic lunchboxes, we walked towards the Eastbourne beach and reached within 5 minutes. Blue-coloured sea and the pebbled beach looked wonderful on a sunny day. Excited as we were, clicked enormous amount of pictures with the sea, went into the seawater, felt the scary waves, wet myself and enjoyed heaven. After that, we returned to the seashore and had a picnic with coke, snacks, roti, masu and tarkari. We could see the seawater diminish as time passed by and we could walk farther into the sea than we did before. The wave left the seashore muddy and algae and stones were all over the shore. According to the locals, water level reaches back to the same land level in the morning. This seemed to be the sea schedule. After our lunch, we played Frisbee for a while, walked barefoot on the pebbles and felt nature.

 

A bit tired, we headed towards the Wish Tower which looked awesome from the beach. Clicked ourselves and headed down and walked towards Eastbourne Pier. Gift shops and game shops occupied the Pier centre and we walked all the way to the end through its left. We did not forget to capture the pictures of mind-blowing sea-blue background. Bought a memory postcard of Eastbourne and reached the road through its right.

Walking lazily, we reached friend’s place and had tea followed by dinner- dal, bhat and tarkari at 8:30 p.m.  Hurrying ourselves, we left the place to grab the train departing at 9:31 p.m. towards Clapham junction. Took a Reading train, got off at Twickenham and caught a H22 bus towards Heath Road. Reached home at 11:30 p.m., checked pictures and rested. Enjoyed a lot!!!

Stratford-upon-Avon

7th September, 2012

 Having come in the United Kingdom in the late twenties after learning the English world back home, I finally was lucky to visit the Shakespeare land. On the very day, I had an unusual feeling of visiting my great grandfather in village. It must have been due to the Shakespearean popularity.

On 24^th August, 2012, we started from home at 5:15 a.m. Lucky enough to catch the Piccadilly line- underground train at around 5:40 a.m, we reached Marylebone station at 6:30 a.m. and had tea and doughnut in AMT cafe. Then we directly headed towards Stratford-upon-Avon at 7:08 am. Enjoyed the landscape and clicked pictures.

We reached Stratford-upon-Avon at 9:30 a.m. Excited as we were, did not miss to click pictures in front of the train station. Walking along the road, we came across town centre, charity shops and other shops -M&S, New Look, Edinburgh woollen mill from where we brought a picnic mat worth £6. Old, small, comfy houses, small bridges, a small town; yet a big place. The old town looked very clean and also had few foreigners.

Searching for the tourist information centre, we reached beautiful River Avon and its surroundings. Took some pictures and had ice-cream. Bought tickets from the centre worth £60 for city sightseeing bus together with visiting 3 Shakespearean houses. Those houses included Shakespeare’s birthplace, Anne’s Hathaway’s cottage and Nash’s house and new place. We got into the ‘hop on hop off’ sightseeing bus.

 

Bus tour gave us information about the oldest pub, the oldest house in Stratford and Shakespeare’s school (believed to be). We got off at Anne’s cottage which seemed to have gained more public attention than the rest of the houses. More people got off there along with us.

It was a beautiful huge cottage with garden. Took some photo clips in a big woven high-heeled shoe and rabbit. Sweet pea varieties were blooming in the supportive wood on the sideways of the path and ripening apples covered the trees. We then visited the cottage.

The inner ambience reminded me of my great grandfather’s village home- a very small house with narrow passages. Her living room had a kettle hanging over the furnace. Other items such as furniture, desk, and chair looked ancient. Then a bed in her bedroom was a bit short compared to that of today’s beds. There was another room with a bed and a kitchen. An exhibition room had some portraits and a big notice board contained small pieces of paper where people wrote how they found their love of life.

Moving again outside, we took a lunch break in the chairs and tables provided in the garden. After the break, we listened to recorded Shakespearean sonnets inside the Willow cabin near the garden. Passing through Lavender maze, orchard garden, we walked towards a bigger maze. The first-time maze experience was exciting and a bit scaring. Reached to its centre safely and found the way out. At that moment, it drizzled a bit but stopped in a while leaving us dry. Then we went to the gift shop, got a postcard of 15p and left the cottage.

After waiting for some time, the hop on- hop off bus arrived and we reached the birth place of Shakespeare. Here, first of all, we were to watch some videos about Shakespeare’s life in a dark room and soon the door would open. Same process continued and then we were in the garden. Through the garden, we reached Shakespeare’s house. It was similar to Anne’s home- living room with kettle hanging over the furnace and old items in the room upstairs. On the garden, people were watching a drama performed by a couple. They were delivering dialogues from different Shakespearean plays. We clicked some pictures in front of the house and then exited through the gift shop.

We took a bus again and got off at Nash’s place. Here, Shakespeare had spent his last days and died. Reaching there, we could see the destroyed house and mud and leftovers. In the middle of the place remained an ancient well. People were seen to be working in the construction site. Another house stayed by its side where not much of interest was seen. It looked more of a museum than a proper house. Old bits and pieces like glass pieces, stones, and broken cutleries were preserved in glass boxes. There was a lovely garden beside the house. We left.

 

On the way, there was a school where Shakespeare was believed to have studied. It still runs but is not open for public. Not far from it stays a Windmill Inn claiming itself one of the oldest pubs in Stratford-upon-Avon. Too hungry, we went in and had tea and chips. This place was old but was maintained by some modern pillars too. We took a snap and headed to the town centre.  Went to the M&S store and got a red slipper on sale worth £15 and walked towards the river Avon. Royal Shakespeare Theatre was quite nearby. However, since it was around 5:30 p.m. and our train was to arrive at 7:20 p.m., we could not go for theatre. So went to the top floor restaurant. Considering the long queue, our hunger, less time and a vegetarian day, we caught a glimpse of the town view and headed downstairs.

Most of the shops were closed at 5 p.m. And we remained hungry. Luckily, we found an Indian and Bengali restaurant at around 6:15 p.m. and ordered and ate as fast as we could. The food was good for me and not spicy, but tasty. We enjoyed and ran for the train bidding a good bye to Stratford-upon-Avon, the land of William Shakespeare. The day is one of the important days of my life. 

TOWARDS ROSE THEATRE, KINGSTON

10^th March, 2012

 

Watching a stage drama in the UK for the very first time was a memorable experience, which happened to be yesterday. The show was to begin from 7:30 pm. “The Lady from the Sea”, a play written by Henrik Ibsen, was directed by Stephen Unwin. The most interesting thing was carrying cushions from the home for paying less as £8/person for pit cushions seats. After checking the train schedule, we (sister-in-law and me) decided to catch a train at 5:18 pm from Hounslow Station and left home at 5:00 pm with 4 cushions in bags.

At 5:26 pm, we reached Twickenham and caught 5:34 pm train to Kingston. Weather looked gloomy from the window. Just the third seat behind us, there seemed to be a man lying above the seat unconsciously. A train staff came with his cordless and informed the authority of the scenario. He was saying “The person is not talking to me…might be an addict….” Every passenger that passed through that seat looked concerned about the man. However, the scene was not invisible from our seats. Some passengers were suggesting the staff but he said that the man will have to go through ambulance and police in Kingston. Throughout the train travelling, the fainted person carried our drama thoughts away. When the train was beginning to slow down in the last station Kingston, we could hear the ambulance siren. Excited about the quick UK system, we left the train and roamed around through the shops.

We had bought a pink and blue frock for Mikenda (aunt’s granddaughter)’s birthday few days ago. Now, we were looking for some accessories to go with it. Since it was 6 pm, most of the shops had already closed; some were hurrying to do so. We bought a blue sunglass in M&S and went to the Rose Theatre where our friends were waiting. It was neat and tidy (English way) and looked like a proper British place. The cafe inside the theatre was classic and targeted at British customers.

I was having an orange juice while skimming through a newspaper article review of the drama placed on the table. Moving my eyes around inside the theatre, I doubted if there was anyone else from the Oriental world. The theatre hall gate opened at 7:00 pm (half an hour early). After keeping our bags and jackets in the cloak room, we went inside. The stage looked wonderful.

Few volunteers and two audiences were inside and we were observing the hall from the entrance gate. To reserve our places, we kept our cushions right in front of the chairs and below the stage. It looked really awkward with few people in the hall and few cushions below the stage. The volunteer said there were 25 pit cushions in total and, in a way, relieved us. Also, he was kind enough to explain us about the theatre.

He said it is the only theatre in the UK built after 2000 AD and was built 4 years ago. It replicates Shakespearean Rose Theatre although few changes were felt required for modern audience. It has a capacity of 900 people; however, has remained houseful only a few times. He mentioned that he just received a phone call about a wheelchair-bound audience and needed to make a seat ready for the person immediately. We could see 3 levels in the hall apart from the pit cushions section. Light management was visible in many places. However, no microphones were seen. The backdrop was that of sea, and the floor was made from wooden beams. These extended diagonally throughout the stage resembling sea waves. Door, main gate and chairs in the stage were decorated with garlands (looked like Laxmi puja in Deepawali although they were different flowers and not marigold). We reserved our seats, went outside and came back again.

More people could be seen now inside the theatre and pit cushions area. We remained in our cushions and waited for the play. The stage was a bit high from the floor level. So, we felt slightly uncomfortable in the beginning but all went well later. Once the volunteers made sure everything was okay at the scheduled time, the audience area went dark, stage lights were on and the play began. Having visited Gurukul Theatre in Nepal, I was expecting similar process. But it did not happen. No information on drama was given. Nobody appeared. The play started abruptly.

Women appeared in long light- coloured gowns resembling the Victorian age. Two daughters, a father, a lady and three men were the main characters. Language used was English and speech was easily understood. Drama went on smoothly. Stage went dark followed by applause. This was a 20-minute break. The play began again once the hall was occupied. It began abruptly as before. Actors were great. Few mistakes were seen but   remained overshadowed by their performance. The play ended happily. Applause followed. Actors appeared in the stage hand in hand and bowed, went backstage. As applause continued, they reappeared and re-bowed and left the stage. Thanking the actors and the people involved to create a beautiful drama, we moved out of the stage with cheerful faces.

After collecting our stuffs from the cloak room, we departed from the Rose Theatre with a promise to come back next time for the play “The Cherry Orchard”. Hungry as we were (since it was 10 pm), we stopped in Wagamama and had a heavy and delicious dinner. At 11 pm, we moved out (as it was closed) towards Kingston bus station. Caught the bus number 281 and headed towards Whitton Admiral Nelson. All 4 of us dozed off on the seats as it took us nearly 30 minutes to reach there. After waiting for about 10 minutes, headed in H22 bus towards Heath Road. Reached home at 12:30. Had a wonderful day.

BEACH CLEANING

Sunday 26^th February, 2012

Today was a day off due to construction works in train station. It is the last week for construction. From next Sunday, I will be working in Richmond Station as usual. So this week became a lucky one for me. And the day was wonderful. Warm sunny Sunday in February. Unusual. I woke up at 5:30 am and finished my daily schedule. Had a banana and tea made by vauju (sister-in-law). She had kept the battery of camera charged in her room for half an hour. I grabbed it along with the colourful rainy boots, maps, ploughman sandwich, water bottle, fleece jacket, shawl and left home at 7:25 am. I was meant to catch bus number 222 at 7:38 am; if not, at 7:58 from Hounslow Station. Thinking it would be quicker, I headed Hounslow Treaty Center. On the way, I called my elder sister in Nepal and finished my international free minutes. However, the bus arrived at 7:55 am at Treaty Center, confusing me about the bus schedule. It could not have taken more than 5 minutes from the Hounslow Station.

It took nearly 45 minutes to reach Belmont Road Bus stop in Uxbridge. Roads were quiet as anything. I withdrew £10 cash from Barclays cash point at Belmont Road and followed the map enjoying the fresh morning scenario. Got puzzled when I saw the road end there but soon realized the office was just left to the way. I reached 45 minutes early and was unsure whether or not to knock the door. Thought to roam around a bit and look at the surroundings. Right ahead was a pond (muddy though) with ducks swimming. I clicked a few pictures and went to the main road behind it and also the Willow village (a small park) about 5 minutes’ walk from the office. Called vauju and got the best wishes for the day. When I was enjoying the fresh air, the office called my mobile to know about my whereabouts. I was honest and said I will be back in a few minutes. So headed to the office and was welcomed by Mike and Maria. CEO of the office welcomed me too and offered a breakfast. Maria made porridge ready for me.  I went through a few magazines, making me wonder if it was the right place to publish serious wildlife articles. Looking around the house was enjoyable. Wildlife seemed to have occupied all the spaces- the garden outside, room inside, decorations and almost everything.

After sometime, there were other people joining us. They were 3 British and 3 Filipinos. The CEO introduced us all and 9 of us left in 3 cars with stuffs loaded (lunch, first aid box and beach cleaning equipments) towards Rottingdean (near Brighton) at 10:30 am. I was in the CEO’s car in the front seat and sandwiches and my bag in the backseat. I felt too long a distance towards Rottingdean. Talked with him on the way about this and that. Country landscapes and green grasslands reminded me of my Cardiff days when I used to travel with Maithili and Pushpa to Bath, Slimbridge and many other places. The uphill near Rottingdean windmill looking to the grasslands below was a majestic moment. Felt heaven. We reached Rottingdean around 12:15 pm. Parked the cars and had a cup of coffee in the White Horse Hotel. Filipino friends were in a group and went shopping getting off from the car. I was with others trying to enjoy. English conversation consisted of English world, English people, latest IT tools, and (not to forget) with English accent. So the situation is imaginable. 

I wanted to start beach cleaning immediately. It happened after some time which I enjoyed a lot. I clicked few pictures of the sea and in the sea. After all, it was the first time I saw the sea. Felt heaven again. With the bin bags in a container, gloves, litter pickers and a list of notes and a pen, we moved towards the far end of the pebbled beach. As the CEO had said, the beach looked clean from far but once we started searching for rubbish, we found it full of garbage. Ignoring the crowd on a sunny Sunday beach, we picked up rubbish and found things such as plastics, fish net, fish line, plastic strapping band and dog poo. Also, we collected dried egg covers of various sea animals, mostly dogfish. We then weighed the rubbish and left them near the rubbish bin. Felt a bit hungry and had sandwiches, crisps and water.

After spending about 3 hours in the beach, we headed back to Uxbridge bidding a goodbye to Rottingdean. We returned the way we had reached there. At 5:15 pm, we reached the office. Filipino dinner was ready although some friends had already left us. Noodles, spring rolls, roasted chicken and wine. Delicious! Thanks to Maria. We all had dinner and the English conversation followed. I enjoyed and left the place at 6:00 pm apologizing for the early leave. Overall, the day had been a fruitful one to save the environment. Thanks to the charity team.

PUPPETISM ***

31st March, 2010

It’s funny to look at life which gives us surprises at unusual times. It is unpredictable. Before we have coped up with one issue properly, there is another one ready for us to handle. How amazing to be at this puppetism! Can anyone resist it? No one. Who are we? The mere puppets. Life does not go through planned ways. Rather, it is other way around.

When we get what we had been waiting for, how do we react? Obviously, positively and even happily perhaps. But…but not being able to value it with our responses is something that needs to be addressed. Had it happened in the past, life would have taken another shape. Because of the altered time and space, our thoughts change. What was true before years seems no longer right now.

There are times when we come across similar situations. People act the way we once acted in the past and so the problem needs to be dealt the way we were once dealt with in our situations. For example, putting oneself in the position of ‘somebody’ and somebody else in the then ‘our’ position.

To have what we want is the best moment we can have, would want to cherish it but are unable. As I said earlier, time and space influence our destiny. Unpredictable life is what we are certain about as the way somebody said that the only thing that is permanent is change. How true! The decision that once seemed so obvious and proper is so improper now simply because of this time. It is not that we are perplexed. There is nothing to be confused about. We had been such for years. We no longer are.

The wisdom is we are puppets of the superpower and we must follow this puppetism. There is no single truth that exists. What a life! In fact, worth laughing. What else can we do? There sits the invisible shaper of our predicament whom we cannot even vent our anger upon since nothing happens apart from the reflection back on us. We observe His tricks and move along.

Oh powerful one! I serve you.

*** (a term coined for ‘unavoidable destiny to becoming a puppet’)

ABC

31st March, 2010

You were A
I was B
She was C

I am A
She is B
Who is C?

C is a mystery
The way you are now

She will be A
Mystery will be B
What about me?
Will I be mystery too?

EAST VS. WEST

22nd March 2010

It has been long since I last wrote. In fact, writing has lessened after I left the native land. So, taking opportunity of the vacations, I am hurriedly trying to fill the blog pages. The idea for this topic stroke while travelling to Stonehenge and Salisbury. Actually, was inspired by one Welsh friend as he said the idea for group assignment came to him on his return back home in a train. So, carried a diary and thought why not use the useless five hours of a bus? However, it needs to be mentioned that two hours was sleeping on the way back Cardiff, one hour eating and talking (listening rather), one hour watching the landscape, half an hour for remaining blank, looking here and there and other people, driver’s map guide and so on. So, remaining half an hour was what I utilised to scribble down a few points that stroke my head.

The first scene to hit the head is the difference between terrace farming and bush farming (do not know what it is called and no time for dictionary research). The fields are separated by the even-cut bushes, the way they are by the levelled soil in Nepal (aali or dill). The other difference is between cars and bikes. Compared to bikes that run in Kathmandu streets, here are the swift cars and bikes are negligible in number. The other point is grasslands and wastelands. The big green lands are for grazing cattle where mostly sheep are seen despite the heavy rainfall. In contrast, there are many barren unused lands in my native land. These are a few things noticed right away.

Now, I would like to list other important aspects here. People are polite and aware if they might be causing troubles for others in any way. Saying “thank you” and “sorry” and letting go others first are what we should be learning from them. They are neat and tidy although rough. Eating and drinking on the way to work and travel is common as there is a rush. However, the streets and the atmosphere are fresh and clean. Big bins are everywhere and they are emptied before it is late. Life is a rush. They run, we walk. So, it is faster here. Pace is hard to be met. ‘Think fast, act fast’. We are left behind if we lack them.

Our opinions are important no matter what. Instead of seeking perfect ideas leading nowhere along with teasing and backbiting, motivation and improvement are encouraged for excellence. This, in fact, leads effortlessly to perfection. The nature of accomplishing tasks is “working under pressure” for which deadlines are set for each action. It is such that more is gained in a short time in contrast to relaxed working patterns in us resulting less achievement in a long duration. The most important thing to learn is discipline and strictness. Our lenient working style again leads us nowhere. There is discipline in everything, in whatever is said or done.

So, what I would like to say is west is different than east. We know that. There are positive and negative aspects in both the cultures. It is wise to pick out the good factors from each of them and follow them instead of grumbling about the negative aspects and feeling helpless, to make our place better to live in. So, oh, ‘We’! Let’s learn so much from the ‘Others’. It’s time.

RED DRAGON

Was it ever imagined that being born in the country of Mt. Everest, which was named after a Welshman George Everest, it will be known only after reaching his birthplace? It happened, on the way while skimming through a tiny pamphlet returning from Gregynog after submission of the dissertation proposal. The title? HIV/AIDS in Indian newspapers, focussing on HIV-infected women. Why? Having gained some ideas of medical science and as an audio drama actor of HIV/AIDS, the subject of AIDS press coverage narrowed down to the title of dissertation. Furthermore, why in India and why HIV-infected woman? Not finding sufficient sources/archives from home in the abroad, depended on the neighbour country (it has the 2nd largest HIV population in world and has the largest in Asia- became aware of the fact only after finalizing the topic) and since acted as an HIV-infected woman too which seemed one of the good dramas acted in so far.

Let’s move slightly beyond. Since the Masters days in home country, media seemed a terror, an image of a dragon with wide –opened mouth about to swallow in an instant. However, it was least expected the national flag and the university building itself would have the same dragon, the red one at the top, distinguishable from distant. This is a place where hardly any home citizens are found (have not met any). Being awarded the bursary although at the latest hour and visa process in mid- 2009 being simple enough, and receiving the blessings from one of the most respected persons of the country for the first time, having celebrated the most awaited festival of the year, now experiencing the heavy snow which occurred after 30 years, in a quiet (in fact, too peaceful) place.

Not getting any distinct image of the way headed to and paving a way moving forward; however, some aspects are determined. Someone said, what happens happens for the best. So, as the process was begun, it would end respectively. Social health sectors or particularly HIV/AIDS needs to be looked after due to huge HIV population and the numbers need to be diminished. One of the best approaches is informing the public through audio where rural areas cover most of the parts and where it is more required and radio plays seem to bring the expected result.

Finally, having been born 30 years ago on the 1st of December and the first known cases of AIDS being reported in 1979 are the points to be noted. The area shall be explored and effort provided for through the mass media as was planned and it is expected that when everyone shall contribute, social upliftment is undoubted.

24 January, 2009

JOURNEY

Starting our trip to Sindhupalchowk on April 11th, we headed to Koteshwor at 7:30 am and reached Dhadkhola at 10:30 am on Rs. 85/head. Took lunch (chiura, chana, chicken)in the DK bazaar and crossed the jholunge pul at around 11:15 am. Below was Indraabati flowing. Walked in the dreadful sun for about 15 minutes. Rested in tree shadows, watched the children swimming and took snaps. Forgot a cap and returned back again. Rested in a big tree near a small fountain and ate grapes. Then headed a straight hill ahead in midday sun. Rested 4-5 times during the uphill journey and took nearly 3-1/2 hours to reach the destination.

On reaching the top, we forgot all the difficulties. The wind was pleasant and we ate pure curd, banana, and chiura (too tasty) in Badegaon. Rested a bit and went to Thanti, saw the school and took snaps. Returned back and ate masyaura and rice. We then slept. Though electricity was available, we could not see due to load shedding. Water was easily available in every place in this village. Got up early morning and felt the stomach not functioning well. Had 3/4 bowel movements. Roamed down and took snaps. Returned back, ate rice with all pure stuffs and headed shortcut towards the main road.

Indeed a great fun to know we reached to the bank in about half an hour just because we had to hurriedly follow a leader (an old man). Stayed in the yesterday’s water fountain and crossed Indraawati. Took snaps there too and the stones were slippery and the flow of the river strong. Walked on the hot sand and reached the main road. We planned to reach Melamchi and watch the water but due to Nepal bandh, the plan failed. Finished a wai wai and walked towards Kunta besi. Found a trax and a crowded bus following it. We took the trax, payed Rs.15/head and reached Kunta. Ate chicken and chiura and headed other relative’s home. Found red soil and ainselu and reached there. Found gobar gas and drank black tea. Again headed inner areas and oldest house and returned back. Took touch-me-not videos and had fun. Ate evening meal and watched DVD for a few minutes and slept with mosquitoes all over.

The next morning, got up and had a cup of milk and walked straight towards Dhaitar, Mahadevsthan. From there, went roaming for about an hour and saw fat in milk checked, took a touch-me-not plant, and took snaps in big stones. Then reached Mahadevsthan and played cards and had rice with ghee. Felt heavy and slept for a few moments in a hot day. Got up and went to other relative’s house and had tea and biscuit. Then headed at around 4 pm to Chainpur uphill through the jungle. Reached the top in about 5:30 pm. Nagarkot was just in front of this hill. Reached the top and had popcorn and soyabeans. Again roamed downwards and reached the place at night and had a meal. Then went up and slept in a mosquito net.

Next morning, we had lots to do. So, got up at 5 am and had tea. Headed downwards and within 45 minutes, we reached Mahadevsthan. Stayed there for a few minutes and went Kunta. Stayed there too and watched the well and the most awaited buffalo worth Rs. 43,000 giving 7 liters of milk. Then caught a bus to Lamindada and got heated in a crowded bus. From Lamindada, headed Palanchowk in a trax (Rs. 30/head). Took snaps outside and ate vegetable chowmein and achar and headed Satdobato which never seem to come. Finally, went our home and took snaps. Returned and went Tiharthok, met mom and stayed in Pipalbot as the bus was already missed. So, thought of walking but fortunately were able to catch a trax just nearby and went Palanchok. Again, had a lunch there and caught a trax to Banepa (Rs. 60/head). From Banepa, stayed in a big bus and reached Koteshwor safely. From Koteshwor, we walked to office and finally arrived in the New Year Evening.

15th April, 2009

NEW ONES

2066/01/11
April 24th
Disillusionment

What a life to cherish
What a moment to live by
What a friend to shed tears
What a company to be with
What a snobbery to be seen
What a world to laugh at
What an improper creature a man
What a dilemma to survive through them
What an illusion created over all
What a bondage to pass through

Oh me! oh miserable me !
Hypocrisy rules
Fate governs
Predicament inescapable
Silence everywhere

April 24
Paranoia

Finding myself in this state now, it is pretty hard to distinguish what might be right and what not, who are correct and who not. I never imagined I might be in this position some day. But time is a mystery. No one knows what happens when. It gives an opportunity for everyone to get experienced its various elements. No haste, just a patience, and it will be granted. Ah, mercy.

A state when we find all things out of track, all people out of way, nobody could be trusted upon, we get blank- a feeling of hopelessness and worthlessness, depression, frustration, and what not. An easy impetus for a suicidal attempt but something still is preventing me from such stuffs, maybe the knowledge gained so far, maybe the experiences, maybe the aftermaths. Know not.

It seems good though as it is going to take a firm way now onwards, just a hope anyway. At least something will end and something open. It seems an outlet for expression. Enough is enough. Expression is better than explosion, whatever, however. Let it alone be paranoid feelings. Enough of suppression and repression. A way out is essential, a necessity and natural. Nature is powerful, hardly avoidable. It takes its track out and becomes natural and everything is in equilibrium.

A Meeting Point

Maybe it is the most visited place in a day. The respected, holy shrine which acts as an area of confession for the guilty, a place for conditional offer to the one within it (wow, this seems a nice term), a way to pass time through just visiting it and showing oneself a devotee, joining a choir just in case they could not find any reliable way to expose themselves leaving it as the least important option to move forward through PR. Many people just enter it as it comes across. Their way helps in obtaining mental peace, a psychological and cultural impact.

There will be marriage parties going on in its surroundings, one behind the center and the next one on its right side. Since the catering services are high in demand and is easier for busy people, they are busy managing red and blue chairs and materials required for the evening since parties in the evening are growing in demand. The one on the back has a big hall and needs no tents outside. But, the next needs a planning of a tent around. Maybe the space inside is quite small or they aren’t allowed to use that room.

Next, a new bride is entering there. Robed in a gold shining, heavy embroidered red sari, blouse and a shawl (red cotton shoes, of course), accompanied by a couple of ladies in her sides, she enters, bows and takes blessings.

After this, a child on his rice-feeding ceremony is carried over inside. Dressed in red shiny polyster-mixed clothes (most probably without shoes) with eyes black by kajal allover, he is bowed before God and is put a red tika on his forehead for blessings.

Also, there is a funeral procession about to go on its left hand side. There is a huge bus stopped from where are about a dozen people coming out one by one. All dressed casually but with a shawl, some are already arranging the woods and straw. Women are sobbing and crying calling out their dear loved one. The corpse is yet to be seen. But it is sure to be seen later.

Here, lies a picture of a life cycle of a man which completes in a day. The very shrine is surrounded by various life rituals. No sides are vacant, too busy a place. We all lie here. That is our destiny. Religion is what binds us and helps maintain a bond of brotherhood.

WHAT A DILEMMA!!!

Everyday I sleep with a hope of making my tomorrow better. But what? Suddenly I get up in the morning and start again the age-old routine. For an hour or so, I carry on with the monologue. Tired of all these now. How long am I going to continue this—the same trend, the same style, the morning self-analyzation making my head blow up for rest of the day?

Also, the environment does not permit me to move ahead. Today, when I was opening the Linguistics, the tough book, thinking to go over it by the time it is already too late, there was a sweet melody of the carpenter’s saw going on outside. Why had he to start his work so early in the morning, when I had a holiday and had a desire to read? It is already hard for me to concentrate, and besides…

There are so many things going on inside the head at a time; a gift to the modern men, the fragmented thoughts and the distresses. It seems as if they are going to explode soon. Too difficult time for them at the present. I wonder what we are created for. How to adjust in such a corrupt world? A modern man is full of frustrations. A miserable man. I think the very word ‘miserable’ suits before every ‘man.’ Since everything is dynamic, the old terms are also to be neo-made—a demand of time.

Look at his misery. After he is born, is educated to become a good individual. Some are lucky enough to be granted education while some not. However, the goal remains the same for all, to become good. He has various obstacles which he faces and overcomes. Then the next one emerges. The process repeats. But, how long? For how long is the nature and fate going to examine him? Until the energy extinguishes? Until he is sick and tired or what? Life is a bouquet of unanswered questions. I think so, and that is the truth whether you agree or not.

I want to write. I am doing now. I want to sing. I took a leave suddenly in my singing classes. I want to work. Today is a holiday. I want to study well. Thanks God! It is a holiday again. Just now, I killed a mosquito. It died by the time I patted and saw it fall down on the bedsheet. I am the same mosquito, weak and completely helpless. What a life to live! I do not want this life. However, it is not in my power to get or not get what I like. A complete puppet! How miserable! And that is not what I desire for, a miserable one. I have hundreds of wishes. I am a human being. So that is the innate quality a man has. How can he be born free of desires? He would be God then. I am just wondering why we be created desirous and still never be provided for. Man would be well satisfied if any of his desires was fulfilled. Not even that! Oh, modern men, I pity you.

It is really difficult to live with corrupt people, especially when the situation aggravates and nothing is in our hand. I wonder why God creates them and for what reason. Just take a brief look at a man. He works so hard, is busy from the time he gets up until the night. Tired with the entire hectic schedule, wants to rest a bit. Returns home and finds everything out of order.

Really, we are the mere puppets in the grip of whosoever is in super power. Okay, we compromised we cannot get all the desires fulfilled. It is impossible, okay. We are fool too according to Bonaparte. Agreed! But again! The efforts the man puts forth are of no use at all. With great struggle, with a hope of a better tomorrow, he reaches to a certain height, falls down a little (as the road is somewhat slippery), again gains strength enough to climb up, reaches to a greater height then. But he is not a single man to reach there. When started, there were many with him. They were weak and had no hope. So, he left them all and reached to the altitude. They, in fact, could not reach the least height. He has many competitors wanting to move towards the apex, the same goal. But what a dilemma! Instead of making themselves strong enough to reach their destination, they aim at throwing their colleagues to the base. They grab his neck and throw him to the muddy pond below the base from where getting out solely depends upon his power and ability. He might even become paralyzed or disabled as a result of the shock. Anyway, if he was mentally prepared for it before starting to climb and had a solution for something like this, it would not be much of a problem. If not, then there is.

Why does it always rain on the feeble ones? I have heard God sees the truth but waits, but for how long? Until the death? The Almighty might know. I do not. We people live in such hope that it would turn out okay soon, and the life ends up with that hope ever unfulfilled. Is he the only person in this world? Why should he work so hard when the rest are happy sleeping and least bothered about anything? All the Neros there and he, the Hercules. Is the responsibility just for him? What for should he suffer if no one has feeling of responsibility? If no one supports him, rather helps him, or at least not disturbs him or not become a hindrance, what value has life for him?

Often people say life is beautiful if we know the tips to live well. But, when there is no one to accompany him, share him, support him, comfort him, caress him, what is the meaning? I say what?

Most of us become blind when reaching our goal. This article is just for those who have desire of becoming something or doing something meaningful to the world so that even after death they are alive in the memories of mankind.

January 2006

नेपाली अनुवाद "अभाव के हो ?"

अभाव के हो तिमी मलाई सोध्छौ ? सुन । म तिम्रो नजिकै छु , डुङडुङती गन्हाउने दाँत र एउटा गतिलो भित्री लुगा विना ।

फोहरी र गन्धपुरी । म भन्छु ,सुन । कुनै सहानुभूति विना सुन । म तिम्रो सहानुभूति प्रयोग गर्न सक्दिन । बुझेर सुन । आफूलाई मेरो फोहर, च्यातिएको नमिल्दो जुत्तामा राख, अनि सुन ।

गरिवी भनेको प्रत्येक बिहान फोहोर र रोगीको टाटैटाटाको ओछ्यानबाट उठ्नु हो । तन्नाहरुले धेरै वर्ष अघिदेखि नै थाङ्नाको काम गर्दै आएका छन् । गरिवी कहिल्यै नछुट्ने गन्धसँग बाँच्नु हो । पिसाब, अमिलो दूध र बासी सडेको खानेकुरा जुन कहिलेकाहीं डढेको प्याजसँगै मिसिएर आउँछ, त्यही गन्ध हो यो । प्याजहरु केही सस्ता हुन्छन् । तिमीले यो गन्ध सुँघेको भए त्यो कसरी आयो तिमीलाई थाहा थिएन होला । यो सार्वजनिक शौचालयको गन्ध हो । रातको लामो अँध्यारो बाटोमा हिंड्न नसक्ने साना केटाकेटीहरुको गन्ध हो यो । वर्षौं देखि दुर्घटनामा परेका ओछ्यानहरुको गन्ध हो यो । स्टोभ बिग्रिएकोले फाटेको दूधको गन्ध हो यो । फेरि यसलाई बनाउन पैसा चाहिन्छ । यो कुहिएको फोहोरको गन्ध हो, मैले यसलाई गाड्न सक्थें तर स्यावेल खोइ ? स्यावेल किन्न पैसा चाहिन्छ ।

दरिद्रता भनेको थकित हुनु हो । म सधैं नै थकित भएको छु । अस्पतालमा मेरो अन्तिम बच्चा हुँदा उनीहरुले भनेका थिए मलाई रगतको कमी भयो रे, पोषिलो खाना र राम्रो स्याहारसुसारको कमीले गर्दा । अनि मेरो अपरेशन गर्नुपर्छ रे, म चुपचाप सुनिरहें । गरिवहरु सध्रैं चुपचाप रहन्छन् । उनीहरु सधैं सुन्छन् । भिटामिन चक्की, खाना वा औषधिको लागि पैसा छैन –अहँ कहिल्यै भन्दैनन् । अपरेशनको सोच नै भयानक हुन्छ र यति धेरै भयानक हुन्छ कि यसको आँट गर्नु मात्र पनि हाँस्यास्पद हुन्थ्यो । मेरा लालावालाको रेखदेख कसले गर्छ ? अपरेशनबाट पूर्णतया निको हुन धेरै समय लाग्छ । मेरा ३ छोराछोरी छन् । अस्तिनै मैले जागिर खाँदा जब उनीहरुलाई मूमासँग छोडेको थिएँ, घर फर्कंदा कान्छीको मुखभरि झंगा भन्किएको र उसको थाङ्ना म गएदेखि नफेरिएको भेटें । जब सुकेको थाङना निकालें, स–साना छालाका टुक्राहरु पनि सँगै आए। माइलोचाहिं फुटेको गिलासको तीखो टुक्रोसँग खेलिरहेको थियो । अनि मेरो जेठोचाहिं पोखरीको छेउमा एक्लै खेल्दैथियो । महिनामा १५०० रुपियाँ कमाउँथें, अनि तीनैजनालाई राम्रो स्कूलमा राख्न १००० रुपियाँ लाग्छ । मैले जागीर छोडें ।

गरिवी मैलो हो । तिमी आफ्नो सफा घरबाट सफा लुगामा निस्केर भन्छौ, 'जोसुकै पनि सफा हुन सक्छ ।' विना पैसाको घर चलनको बारेमा म तिमीलाई बताउँछु । खानाको लागि म केटाकेटीलाई तरकारी अचार विनाको ढिंडो वा रोटी दिन्छु । यसो गर्दा धेरै भाँडा लाग्दैन । जति लाग्छ, त्यसलाई चीसो पानीमा साबुन विना नै धुन्छु । सस्तोभन्दा सस्तो साबुन पनि बच्चाको थाङना धुन जोगाउनुपर्छ । मेरा हातहरु हेर त – कति फुटेका र सुन्निएका छन् ! एकचोटि मैले २ महिनासम्म बचत गरें – मेरा हात र बच्चाको पासेको घाउमा लगाउन भ्यासलिनको बट्टा किन्न भनेर । चाहिनेजति जम्मा भएपछि किन्न जाँदा त्यसको भाउ ५० रुपियाँले बढिसकेछ । कान्छी र मैले सास्ती खेपिरह्यौं । मेरा फुटेका खस्रा हातहरु चीसो पानी र कडा साबुनमा डुबाउन सक्छु कि सक्दिन भनेर मैले दिनहुँ सोच्नुपर्छ । तर तिमी भन्छौ चीसो पानी नै किन ? इन्धनको पैसा लाग्छ । तिमीले दाउरा बाल्यौ भने पैसा चाहिन्छ । बिजुली बाल्यौ भने पैसा लाग्छ । तातो पानी विलास हो । मसँग विलास छैन । मलाई थाहा मेरो वास्तविक उमेर भनें भने तिमी तीनछक पर्छौ । म एकदमै बूढी देखिन्छु । लुगा धुने ठाउँमा दिनहुँ मेरो ढाड यति धेरै बांगिन्छ कि मैले कहिले अरु काम गरें सम्भि्कनै सक्दिन । प्रत्येक रात म मेरो स्कूले बच्चाको लुगाको हरेक दाग धुन्छु र आशा गर्छु उसका लुगाहरु बिहानसम्ममा सुक्नेछन् ।

अभाव भनेको चीसो ठण्डी रातमा आगो हेर्दै जागराम बस्नु हो – यो जानेर कि अखबारले छोपिएका भित्तामा एक झल्को पर्नु भनेको सुतिरहेका केटाकेटी धुवाँको मुस्लोमा जल्नु हो । गर्मी महिनामा अभाव भनेको बच्चा रुँदा झिंगाहरुले आँसु चाटिरहेको हेर्नु हो । झ्याल–ढोकाका जालीहरु च्यातिएका छन् र तिमी यति कम भाँडा तिर्छौ तिमीलाई थाहा छ त्यो कहिले बन्दैन । साङ्लाहरु तिम्रो खानेकुरामा, नाकमा, आँखाभित्र र सुत्दा तिमीमाथि घसि्रनु दरिद्री हो । गरिवी भनेको पानी कहिल्यै पर्दैन भनेर आशा गर्नु हो किनभने पानी पर्‍योभने थाङ्नाहरु सु्क्दैनन् र छिट्टै तिमी कागजहरु प्रयोग गर्न थाल्छौ । गरिवी भनेको तिम्रा बच्चाहरुलाई सधैं सिंगाने देख्नु हो । रुमालहरु किन्नुपर्छ र थोत्रा लुगाहरु तिमीलाई अरु नै कामको लागि चाहिन्छ। झनै धेरै महंगा त एन्टिवायोटिक औषधि हुन्छन् । अभाव भनेको विना खाना पकाउनु र विना साबुन सफा गर्नु हो ।

गरिबी सहयोग माग्नु हो । तिमीले त्यो सहयोग नपाउन्जेल तिम्रा केटाकेटीले दु:ख पाउँछन् भन्ने थाहा पाएर तिमीले कहिल्यै मद्दत माग्नुपरेको छ ? यदि तिमीलाई ऋण माग्नु नै एउटा मात्रै सहयोग माग्ने बाटो हो जस्तो लाग्छ भने आफन्तबाट ऋण लिएको सम्झ । त्यो बेला कस्तो अनुभव हुन्छ म तिमीलाई भन्छु । तिमीले जानुपर्ने अफिस कहाँ छ तिमी पत्ता लगाउँछौ । अनि त्यो ठाउँमा ४–५ चोटि फनफनी चक्कर मार्छौ । आफ्ना केटाकेटीलाई सम्झेर तिमी भित्र छिर्छौ । सबैजना अति व्यस्त छन् । अन्त्यमा, कोही बाहिर आउँछ र तिमी आफूलाई मद्दत चाहिएको कुरा बताउँछौ ।

त्यो कहिलेपनि तिमीले भेट्नुपर्ने व्यक्ति हुँदैन । तिमी अर्को मान्छेलाई गएर भेट्छौ, अनि आफ्नो दरिद्रताको भएभरको लाज सामुन्ने छताछुल्ल पारेर पोखाइसकेपछि बल्ल यो त ठीक अफिस नै रहेनछ भनेर थाहा पाउँछौ । तिमीले यो सम्पूर्ण प्रक्रिया फेरि दोहोर्‍याउनुपर्छ र अर्को ठाउँमा फेरि शुरु गर्न यो सजिलो हुँदैन ।

तिमीले मद्दत मागेका थियौ, आखिर यसको मूल्य त हुन्छ नै । तिमीलाइ फेरि पर्खाइन्छ । कारण किन पनिबताइन्छ तर लाजको रातो र उडिरहेको पीडाको कालो बादलले गर्दा तिमीले खासै सुन्दैनौ ।

अभाव सम्झना हो । राम्रा भनाउँदा केटाकेटीहरु मेरो लुगा र दुर्गन्धको बारेमा क्रुद्ध भएको हुँदा निम्न माध्यमिक तहमा स्कूल छोड्नुपर्दाको सम्झना हो । कार्यालय सहायक आयो । मेरी आमाले उसलाई म गर्भवती भएको बताइन् । वास्तवमा म थिइनँ तर उनले त्यसो गर्दा मैले कुनै जागिर पाइहाल्छु कि भन्ठानिन् । म जागिर खाँदै-छोड्दै गर्दै थिएँ तर केही सिक्न सक्ने गरी लामो समयसम्म भने कहिल्यै खाइनँ । म सबैभन्दा बढी म विवाहित भएको क्षण सम्झन्छु । त्यसबेला म भर्खरकी थिएँ । अझै पनि छु । कुनै वेला हामीसँग तिमीसँग भएका सबैकुरा थिए । तातो पानी र सबैथोक भएको एउटा सानो घर अर्को शहरमा थियो । त्यसपछि मेरो श्रीमान्को जागिर गयो । केही समयको लागि बेरोजगारी बीमा र मैले पाउनसक्ने खालका जागिर थिए । हाम्रा सबै सामानहरु छिट्टै नै फेरि हामीसँगै भए र हामी यहाँ फर्क्यौं । त्यतिबेला म गर्भवती थिएँ । हामी शुरुमा आउँदा यो घर यति नराम्रो थिएन । प्रत्येक हप्ता यो झन्झन् नराम्रो हुँदै जान्छ । कहिल्यै केही मर्मत हुँदैन । अबचाहिं हामीसँग पैसा थिएन । मेरा श्रीमानका लागि केही निम्नस्तरका काम थिए तर अहिले जस्तै त्यसबेला पनि खानामै सकिन्थ्यो । मलाई थाहा छैन हामी कसरी २–३ वर्षसम्म ३ जना बच्चाहरु साथमा लिएर बाँच्न सक्यौं तर सक्यौं । म तिमीलाई एउटा कुरा भन्छु, मेरो अन्तिम बच्चा जन्मिएपछि मैले सम्बन्ध तोडिदिएँ । सम्बन्ध राम्रो थियो तर के सधैं तिमीले बच्चाहरुलाई यो फोहोरमा हुर्काइरहन सक्छौ ? कुनै पनि परिवार नियोजनको साधनलाई कति पर्छ कहिल्यै तिमीले सोचेका छौ ? मेरो श्रीमानले छोडेर जाने दिन ऊ जाँदैछ भन्ने मलाई थाहा थियो तर हामीबीच कुनै विदाइ भएन । मलाई आशा छ ऊ यो भद्रगोलबाट कतै माथि उक्लिन सक्षम भयो होला । हामीले उसलाई तल खसाल्छौं भन्ने आशा उसले कहिल्यै गर्न सक्दैन ।

त्यही बेला हो मैले मद्दत मागेको । जब मैले पाएँ, त्यो कति थियो थाहा छ तिमीलाई ? हामी चारजनाको लागि महिनाको ३५०० रुपियाँ थियो र छ पनि । मैले पाउनसक्ने अब त्यति हो, त्यति । तिमीलाई सायद अब थाहा भयो किन यहाँ साबुन छैन, सीयो र धागो छैन, तातोपानी छैन, सिटामोल छैन, जुकाको औषधि छैन, क्रीम, स्याम्पू केही छैन । यीमध्ये कुनै पनि छैनन् सधैं नै, सदा सदाको लागि नै । तिमी राम्रोसँग देख्न सक्छौ घरभाँडाको लागि मैले सयौं तिर्नुपर्छ । बाँकी जति प्रायः सबै खानामा जान्छ । मकैको पीठो, उसिनेको चामल, दाल र डेरीको दूधमा । आफूले भ्याएसम्म थोरै विजुली प्रयोग गर्ने कोसिस गर्छु । फेरि धेरै गर्नाले खानाको लागि त्यति नै कम हुन्छ ।

दरिद्रता अँध्यारो भविष्यमा हेर्नु हो । तिम्रा बालबच्चाहरु मेरा केटाकेटीसँग खेल्दैनन् । उनीहरु, आफूलाई चाहिने कुरा चोर्ने खालका केटाकेटीहरुतिर हेर्छन् । म अहिले नै उनीहरुलाई मेरो गरिवीको वारको साटो उनीहरुको जेलको वारपछाडि देखिरहेको छु । अथवा उनीहरु रक्सी र ड्रग्सको स्वतन्त्रतातिर फर्कनेछन् र आफूलाई अधीनस्थ पाउनेछन् । अनि मेरी छोरी ? आशा गरौं उनको लागि पनि पुरुषको झैं जीवन रहेको छ । तर तिमी मलाई स्कूलहरु छँदैछन् नि भन्छौ । हो, स्कूलहरु छन् । मेरा केटाकेटीहरुसँग अरु किताब, पत्रिका, पेन्सिल, रंगीविरंगी कलम र कागज छैनन् । र सबैभन्दा मुख्य कुरा, उनीहरुसँग स्वास्थ्य छैन । उनीहरुसँ कीटाणु छन्, उनीहरुसँग घाउ छन् , गर्मी महिनाभरि उनीहरुसँग पाकेका आँखा हुन्छन् । उनीहरु भुईंमा राम्ररी सुत्दैनन् न त मेरो खाटमा मसँग नै । उनीहरु भोकले ग्रस्त हुँदैनन् । मेरो रु. ३५०० ले हामीलाई बचाउँछ । तर उनीहरु कुपोषणबाट पीडित छन् । अँ साच्चि, स्कूलमा स्वास्थ्यको बारेमा पढाइएको म सम्झन्छु । यसले त्यति राम्रो भने गर्दैन । कुनै कुनै ठाउँमा स्वास्थ्य कार्यक्रम हुन्छन्, यहाँ हुँदैनन् । जिल्ला प्रमुखले यो धेरै खर्चिलो हुने बताए । स्कूल खाजा कार्यक्रम पनि हुन्छ । तर मेरा दुई छोरा छन् जो स्कूल पुगुन्जेलसम्ममा विग्रिसकेका हुनेछन् ।

तर तिमी मलाई स्वास्थ्य संस्थाहरु छन् नि भन्छौ । हो, धेरै स्वास्थ्य संस्थाहरु छन् र ती शहरमा छन् । म यहाँ शहरभन्दा २० कि.मि. टाढा बस्छु । त्यति हिंड्न त म सक्छु (आउँदाजाँदा ४० कि.मि. नै भए पनि) तर मेरा स–साना केटाकेटीले सक्लान् ? मेरो छिमेकीले ऊ जाँदा मलाई लैजन त लैजान्छ, तर उसले केही पाउने आश गर्छ, जस्तोसुकै तरिकाले किन नहोस् । म विश्वस्त छु तिमीले मेरो छिमेकीलाई चिनेका छौ। ऊ त्यो भद्दा मान्छे हो जो चिया दोकान, हजाम, कुनाको खुद्रा पसल आदिमा अवैध केटाकेटीका पतित आमाहरुमाथि सरकारले पैसा खर्च गरेकोबारे गुनासो गर्दै आफ्नो समय विताउँछ ।

अभाव एसिडको थोपो हो जुन आफ्नो भएभरको स्वाभिमान नगुमेसम्म त्यसमा झरिरहन्छ । अभाव एउटा करौंती हो जसले आफ्नो भएभरको सम्मान नहराएसम्म त्यसमा रेटिरहन्छ । तिमीहरुमध्ये कसैले मेरोजस्तो अवस्थामा आफू भए केही गर्थ्यौं भन्छौ र र पहिलो हप्ता वा पहिलो महिनाको लागि सायद गर्थ्यौ पनि तर एकपछि अनि फेरि अर्को वर्षको लागि चाहिं ?

सपना देख्न गरिवले पनि सक्छन् । त्यो समयको सपना जब पैसा हुन्छ । पैसा, पोषिलो खानेकुराको लागि, रोगको औषधिको लागि, भिटामिनको लागि, दाँत माझ्ने बुरुषको लागि, क्रीमको लागि, हतौडा र कीलाहरु र अलिकति जचाउनको लागि, स्यावेलको लागि, रंगरोगनको लागि, बँसाइसराइको लागि, सीयो धागोको लागि । पैसा पैंचो तिर्नको लागि, पैसा शहरसम्म जानको लागि । अनि साँच्चि, तातोपानीको लागि, अनि साबुनको लागि पैसा । एउटा सपना जब मद्दत माग्नाले स्वाभिमानको अन्तिम बिन्दु गुम्दैन । जब तिमी जाने अफिस अरु सरकारी अफिसहरुजत्तिकै राम्रो हुन्छ, जब तिमीलाई छिट्टै सहयोग गर्ने थुपै्र हातहरु हुन्छन्, जब उनीहरुले पराजय र पीडाको घडीमा साथ छोड्दैनन् । जब तिमीले आफ्नो कथा एकजनालाई मात्र सुनाए पुग्छ, र त्यो व्यक्तिले तिमीलाई अरु सहयोग गर्न सक्छ अनि तिमीले आफ्नो दरिद्रता बारम्बार प्रमाणित गरिरहनु पर्दैन ।

तिमीलाई यी सब कुरा भन्न म मेरो पीडाबाट बाहिर आएको छु । अर्कै ठाउँ र अर्कै समयबाट म आएको हैन, सम्झिराख । मजस्ता अरुहरु सबै तिम्रै वरिपरि छन् । हामीलाई क्रोधित मुटुले हेर, त्यो क्रोध जसले मलाई मद्दत गर्न तिमीलाई उत्प्रेरणा दिन्छ । त्यो क्रोध जसले तिमीलाई मेरो बारेमा भन्न लगाउँछ । गरीबहरु सधैं शान्त हुन्छन् । के तिमी पनि शान्त रहन सक्छौ ?

Writer: Jo Goodwin Parker

MARRY ? NO...NO

Marriage! What a word! What a sensation! Who is not pleased to hear it? We brighten up sparkling our eyes with pleasing thoughts in the mind. The children are excited; young ones blush, the experienced ones are delighted to cherish the memory. What is this very word then? Is it really that pleasurable? Of course, it is. However, what I would like to add here is yes, marriage is a pleasure, but, temporary. How? I am here to show.

The very topic 'marriage' has never been considered seriously. It is, of course, a great concern of everybody's life and a big caution is taken on taking decisions, whom to choose a partner for one's life. However, it's not sufficient. A lot is needed to be thought upon it before we move ahead.

We believe marriage is compulsory as it is a natural process and those who challenge nature encounter disaster. But we never care the effects and the misery it has been creating for us. If you want to care it now, have a slight glimpse at it. Proceed further. If not, don't waste your precious time on these useless details.

Take a close look at the world holding us. How is she able to carry such an overload? The world is overpopulated. Crowds and crowds everywhere we go. While walking from home or office or from any other places, look how many heads we see on the way. Where do they all come from? Many don't get enough; neither food and shelter nor any good to wear. Half the world is crying in despair. What for? For their desires unfulfilled, for their shattered hopes, for their dreams turning out false. Earth has become feeble. Now she is old. It is our time to support her now. How can we get ready to produce new babies to deteriorate the present situation and do ill to our Earth by marrying? Let's consider this truth.

Have you seen the married couples complaining most of the time about their partners? Obviously, you have, I know. They are so busy criticizing them they forget they are revealing all the secrets of their conjugal life to other people and get aware of this when it's too late. Also, since it is a matter of relationship, it is most of the time almost impossible to live one's life according to one's will. Dominance is the key factor which ruins this bond. This domination causes both to live in artificial manner. Life is pretended. Individual freedom is not granted. We become puppets. So how can a mere puppet life be worthy? Is not our life to live for ourselves?

We live in reality. A Utopia is limited only in the pages of dictionary. Even if it has been used, it is for the imaginative litterateurs and again the very word gets stuck in the pages of books. Since there is not a thing called 'perfection' in our life, so is the relationship. There can never be a perfect harmony in this bond which many of us expect. All the relations are based on reality and a conjugal relationship is even more contaminated by this factor. So the relationship becomes like that of 2 enemies. However, it is the least important factor of this essay.

Let's analyse ourselves. What are we? We are human beings, so called the highest animals. Are we? I doubt. We claim we are perfect. 'I'm the best and the cleverest'-This is our claim. All of us say that. We have to. Otherwise, we would gain inferiority. But, observing closely, have we attained the perfection qualities? Look at the shameful deeds we have done. How many times a day we lie to ourselves? Uncountable. What are we in real? A hollow; shallow flesh, bone, and blood. That's it. A complete hypocrite. We have inherited all the qualities biologically from our parents, through genes. So how can we claim we will create a good human, a pure human and make it perfect in every sense? What we never could become all our life, can we merely claim to provide it to our offspring? Aren't we cheating ourselves and them, who are not even born? What right we have to do so? It is a sin. Let's not commit it knowingly. We are incapable of raising people, biologically as well as psychologically.

At the end, the essay aims not at going against the institution of marriage, the age-old tradition, but to make you think twice before you take any steps for it. This might help create the world a better place to live in as we already are conscious of the marital effects. And maybe a temporary pleasure will turn out to be a constant pleasure until we live and let others live.

When we have no time

What can be more humorous than knowing of no time to write, to write something prepared before maybe about 5-6 years ago. Look at the modern man. How pitiable!

Got so engrossed in life affairs that could do nothing except jot down the titles (thanks god, still have them safe). Was thinking to write something on it when had free time. But this time never came in all these years. How funny!

So at last, decided to make it a whole package and bring it to an end and got now the chance. In fact, it was suggested by one of my friends. Since life is moving rapidly, might have no time even for this tomorrow. Who knows ? Pending stuffs need not pend too long.

Well, “The topics to write on” begins with ‘Deprivation.’ Then continues with, A Decade after SLC, A Decade without Baba, I have a Card (Nepali version), An Abandoned House, Living with Idiots, When you are Born to Eat and Sleep, Passivity Kills, Silent World, Education Today. However, got a few time to finish up “A Decade after SLC”, “A Decade without baba” and “Education Today.”

The list goes on further-“A Place where People end up Becoming a Lunatic”, A Love, an Affair, Living in the Hedonistic and Sadistic Realities, Living in the Seclusion, To be or Not to be, Yes Culture or No Culture, Sandwiched in Between 2 Gods, A No-Culture Society, When we Rise in Love, Monologue of a Lady (Cultural Crisis), and When we have No Time. Among them, few of them like When we Rise in Love, Monologue…, When…Time, were somewhat sort of started but were never expanded more than a paragraph. Never grew the ideas. So, decided to make all of them a single piece of work.

In this way, no wonder what the whole piece looks like, the pending work is no long pending and it is a great relief to know that.

13 Kartik, 2065

It's All About Love...

2060/03/06
Suppression

Is this punishment of your love?
Feeling so weak
Nearly crumbling into pieces
All my muscles, tendons
The whole body is shivering
So quiet everything here is
They are so still
and are therefore moving
I feel dizzy

All symptoms appear in me
Nausea, Fatigue, Lethargy
So confused I am
What shall I do?
Seems we are not made to depart
as we always thought
Otherwise, why would everything go so perplexed?
Seems we are made to be together forever

2060/01/04
About You

I love to wake you up
in the morning
and call you for the meal
You wash your face
then soon get ready for it.
I serve you your dish
at the table
right in front of which
mine is set.

You enjoy and relish each of them silently
I observe and love your style
Never a complain, never a stare
Always a smile upon your face
I forget to have mine
When I see your smile
I desire for that face
to look at it forever
in the same way.

After a while, you stand up
and go away
taking a part of me
along with you
I remain alone the whole day
recalling the shared moments
You return in the evening
and I open the door
Your bright smile flashes upon me
making my evening much more
The smile reflects upon you
and the conversation is over

The face glowing like the sun
makes me warm and light
In your presence
A second's spared moment
makes my whole day
Teach me your style
I want to be you
Keep smiling to the ones
you come across
A flash of your lips means
a lot to them.

2059/11/18
A Decade Without Baba

Baba! Such a dear and lovely name
Neither you wished money nor fame
Indifferent to the ways of the game
But, alas, you got nothing but lame.

So much changes have come Baba
Since you have left the world
Living without you is like
Walking on the sword.

Life is no longer sweet Baba
like the way we once had
It's never going to be same again
'coz we have lost our dear dad.

Aren't you ever going to return?
Where were you? Where are you?
Shall I never see you again?
How am I to spend my life without you?

Getting nostalgic, going to a decade ago
I find peace and confidence in my heart
Facing the reality of never seeing you again
I live in the memories of the past.

Baba, wherever you are
I'm still the same... ... ....

2060/01/04
To The Unborn Child

There you stay comfortably
within your mama's womb
enjoying the warmth of her
a cutie little dumb.

Waiting for a special day
to be born months after
hoping for some reasons, good
that you will become later.

But had you only known
the world here present
What will become of you?
You'd remain unborn and resent.

I feel sorry for you
from the depth of my heart
Can't you remain unborn?
and prevent the new start?

2059/07/09
FRENS

Born somewhere distant
Become so near
Developing trust within
No need to fear

Indifferent when happy
Encouraging when depressed
Helping when troubled
Sharing when repressed.

Getting together for years
Until the change
Keeping in touch
Without any revenge.

2059/07/09
What happened?

When she met him
And he met her first
In a crowded room,
What happened?
None of them remember
the actual conversation now.

As time passed, they turned out
to be friends.
To her it was unknown that
in her presence
He was always present.
Sometimes even as opponents
both wound stand.
But every time, he won, she lost.

She admired him for his friendliness
For his Intelligence
For his Patience
For his Clarity
And she knew he did not hate her
'coz he was indifferent.
But then what happened?

Suddenly, they were together
Nobody forced, it happened
What happened?
She always remembered him
She was pleased to talk with,
about him and even to think
A feeling of oneness
much more than words can say
The seed was sowed.
It germinated.
A green plant, so lovely.

But what happened?
Leaves turned pale and fell
Starting from the peak
to the bottom
The whole plant died.
Only the seed remained.

The seed is still in there... ... ....

Message

I write it
to make you know.
I tear it
to hide from others.

I think about you
but suddenly stop
preventing others from knowing
some changes in me have come.

I want to throw you away
but you are fixed within me.
I look into my body to know your presence
but you are there in each cells.

Suddenly I find it
impossible to forget you
Then comes another feeling
why should I do ?

I've decided to remember you
not knowing any other way.
Throwing myself in a false hope
of getting together some new day.
So I write it to make it know.
Again I tear it to hide from others.

Such secret is my love.

September 7, 2008
1)
Your proving me ugly-
A reason strong enough
to prove you best.

Seems you are too good-
What a foolishness
fancying togetherness!

Had the pain been mild
things would seem much easy.
It’s true people say
there is no love without tragedy.

2)
When the mind stops working
And the heart is still
That’s the moment
I remember you the most.

Written words of power
More so than the speech
Sometimes become the only medium
For the repressed expression.

Mind getting clearer
With the flowing of words
Let them flow into you as well
Though not transforming
At least make you recognize my self.